Maria Butina (sometimes spelled Mariia Butina), a 29-year old-Russian national, was arrested last week for allegedly trying to influence U.S. politics. An FBI affidavit states she attempted to influence an American political party by getting involved with a gun-rights group; Vox notes that while the affidavit names neither party nor organization, previous reporting makes it clear that—shocker—the party is the Republican party and the organization is the National Rifle Association. But this is not a story about that. That is an important story, and this is not. But holy shit, folks, this alleged spy makes really, really wet scrambled eggs.
What is that. What even is that. What are you doing. What is that egg water. Why is there so much wetness on that plate. What. Why. What. What.
News of Butina’s questionable egg preparation comes to us courtesy of The Cut, which dug up some truly depressing food photos buried in Butina’s Instagram account, among them a cottage cheese casserole and a very sad-looking chicken breast. But the prize-winner of the lot isn’t even that first wet egg water breakfast soup situation. No, it’s this wet egg water breakfast soup situation, from 2015.
Also, that French press looks to be struggling a little, and that paper towel isn’t going to do much good as a placemat—though it might absorb at least some of the wet egg breakfast water if stuck into one of those egg water inlets.
If your scrambled eggs are, like Butina’s, just drowning on your plate, you can course-correct by watching The Takeout’s Scrambled Eggs Show. Immediately.