Photo: Dgwildlife (iStock)

Between the growing push to find viable (and tasty) long-term replacements for burgers and chicken and fish, and those replacements’ growing popularity even among carnivores, it’s a pretty easy time to try cutting back one’s meat intake. Whether you’re fully embracing veganism, or just trying to change things up, there are more widely-available options than ever before. Just be aware that you might run afoul of the sort of person who’d eat a raw, dead animal to prove that your diet is bad.

In London, two men have been fined after a March protest in which they ate raw squirrels outside of a vegan food stand, while wearing T-shirts with a simple message: “Veganism = malnutrition.” Let’s really take a second to appreciate this: These two galaxy brains proved their comparative peak nutrition by devouring dead animals on the sidewalk, in a righteous fit of indignation over other people’s diets.

Needless to say, BBC News now reports that the duo has been found guilty and fined for “disorderly behavior likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress.” Natalie Clines, of the Crown Protection Service (CPS), observed that the men “... claimed they were against veganism and were raising awareness about the dangers of not eating meat when they publicly consumed raw squirrels. By choosing to do this outside a vegan food stall and continuing with their disgusting and unnecessary behavior despite requests to stop, including from a parent whose child was upset by their actions, the prosecution was able to demonstrate that they had planned and intended to cause distress to the public.”

We’re not here to cast aspersions about the eating of squirrel out of hand; many corners of the world consume the common rodent (cooked). What we will cast aspersions about, in pretty much any case, is the kind of person who makes an unabashed fool of themselves in public to win an argument that nobody’s really having. Congratulations, squirrel dudes.

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