The first 48 hours of the NCAA Tournament are literal madness: 32 games on virtually nonstop, at all hours of the day, men of all ages screaming at 18-year-old student-athletes on TV who can’t hear them. For the truly deranged, it’s 48 hours of sheer bliss. And for those first two days of the tourney (March 19–20), four lucky(?) guests will live inside the Buffalo Wild Wings in Chicago’s Lincoln Park neighborhood. That’s right: four people will be eating, drinking, and sleeping the B-Dubs March Madness experience for 48 hours straight, bless their hearts. The wing chain is calling it BnB-Dubs.
A stay at the BnB-Dubs includes: a 160-square-foot room with two bunk beds, built-in flat screen TVs, basketball hoops, custom varsity-jacket-looking bathrobes, and special Buffalo Wild Wings slides (which is boy for “flip-flops”). The room is literally built into the BWW, with its windows facing out onto the sidewalk of Clybourn Avenue, according to this Sims-esque mockup. The website calls these sleeping accommodations “Bauhaus-inspired bunk beds”; yes, I’m sure Mies van der Rohe would be absolutely enamored of this whole design aesthetic.
The room is a four bed, zero bath stay. There are no showers provided in this experience, but worry not: BnB-Dubs invites guests to “freshen up” (a euphemism for “do something way less than a shower”) with one of their “full-body towelettes.” Let’s take a moment of silence to consider the stench of that room after 48 hours of eating only wings, drinking beer, sweating and screaming, and having nothing but a “full-body towelette” with which to cleanse oneself. All of this, too, will be on display to the good people of Clybourn Avenue.
After that description, I know you’re scrambling for your credit cards. But unfortunately, one does not simply book their BnB-Dubs March Madness stay—it’s a contest. To enter, make a video showcasing why you’re “the ultimate March Madness fan” and post it on social media. (Check the full rules here.) Two winners will be selected, each of whom gets a plus-one, ideally not someone either of them ever hope to have sex with after this whole experience. Start making that video now!