This Real Housewife’s wine is full of Real Bugs

Lisa Vanderpump smiles on a Las Vegas red carpet
Photo: David Becker (Getty Images)

It’s taken me years, but I’ve finally come to terms with my Real Housewives fandom. Yes, it’s vapid. Yes, it’s trash. But I’ll be damned if I don’t enjoy watching these freaks do weird stuff while hoisting their cheekbones higher and higher every season. My current fascination lies with The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, a dusty corner of the franchise with a core conflict that involves a double amputee and a housewife who hates the smell of “hospital.” But my first love was the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, with a glitzy cast including one Lisa Vanderpump. Vanderpump is a British restaurateur, author, actress, and, lately, wine magnate—unfortunately, her wine brand appears to be tainted with, um, bugs.

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Earlier this week, Page Six shared photos that show what appear to be earwigs in a 2018 batch of the reality star’s Vanderpump Rosé, which was being sold at a Las Vegas liquor store. “I recommend everyone thoroughly inspect any bottle of Vanderpump Rosé before purchasing and consuming them,” a source warned Page Six. The source also speculated on the origins of the insects, arguing that the bottling facility was to blame, as the glass may not have been properly cleaned.

Palm Bay International, which produces and distributes the rosé, then released a statement to Page Six on Wednesday. “This is the first we are learning of it,” a company rep said. “We stand behind the quality and integrity of the wines in our portfolio and require rigorous standards at the production and bottling facilities that we work with.” Meanwhile, a Vanderpump rep hasn’t returned Page Six’s request for comment.

The Cut also reported on the issue, explaining that earwigs “like to hide in dark, damp places and enjoy diets rich in sweet foods and decay.” Finally, The Cut cited a Florida pest-control service, which explained that earwigs pose no threat to humans: “Though it is possible to find an earwig in your ear, they do not lay their eggs in the ear canals of humans, nor do they feed on brains.” Excellent! My beautiful brain will remain fully intact, allowing me to enjoy many more hours of reality television consumption. Sorry about your bugs, Lisa!

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

DISCUSSION

diabolik7
Diabolik

So, free bar snacks included in every bottle!