So a leopard walks into a restaurant...

Leopard sitting on a rock, gazing into the camera with its gorgeous, golden eyes.
Well hello there, handsome.
Photo: Mint Images/ Art Wolfe (Getty Images)

Whether they’re big or small, cats DGAF about a single damn thing. They’ll systematically break every glass in your house while looking you dead in the eye. They’ll jump into your lap when you’re on the toilet and take a thirty minute nap. They’ll stick their paws in your mouth while you sleep, and the, once you’ve woken up, they’ll completely ignore you for the next 12 hours. And, if they’re hungry, they have no problem barging into a restaurant and strolling around. They know you’ll move.

This video of a hungry leopard casually strolling around a South African hotel restaurant was taken by Erika Wiese, a guest at the luxurious Singita Ebony Lodge at Kruger National Park. She told the YouTube channel Kruger Sightings that shortly after enjoying a relaxing, predator-free breakfast, a nearby pack of vervet monkeys began shrieking something which, translated into English, meant “Hark! A leopard is afoot!” The famished feline showed no interest in the restaurant’s freshly pressed juices or raw, sugar- and fat-free granola; rather, he was stalking a rather tasty looking bushback antelope.

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“[The] staff is well-trained to deal with encounters of this kind and have strict safety protocols in place to ensure the safety of both staff and guests in these situations,” said Wiese. “We were, therefore, able to remain calm, silent and in awe of the beautiful creature that was so close to us.”

Wiese added that it seemed as if the leopard knew it was in human territory, which it more than likely did because if you’ve ever challenged a cat to a battle of wits, you know that they’re way smarter than we are. You can say whatever you’d like about human intelligence, but at the end of the day, we choose to spend our time working and paying bills, while cats are strolling around butt-naked and taking 14 naps a day.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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moistened bint

Bartender says “haven’t I spotted you in here before?”