Probably because it’s America’s number-one food delivery item (unless chicken wings have eclipsed it these days?), pizza seems prone to mishaps. This is not necessarily the fault of the people taking your order, assembling that order, or delivering it; it’s just that, technically speaking, a lot can go awry with a pizza. Your order might be misheard in a loud kitchen; toppings can get mixed up; the cheese can slip-slide around the surface during delivery; traffic delays might turn it cold and congealed; your building’s address might not be clearly marked. Considering all the variables, it’s a miracle that we all get exactly what we wanted most of the time.
So, presuming a rather inspiring success rate and the best faith efforts of all involved... do you have any funny stories about particularly disastrous pizza orders? I can name a few. One time as teenagers, my friends and I ordered a 16-inch pepperoni near midnight. It took a while to arrive (the Friday night bar crowd always slowed down pizza deliveries), and once it did, we were ravenous. Lifting the lid, we saw that instead of pepperoni, we’d been sent a taco pizza. This wouldn’t be funny, except that none of us had ever encountered a taco pizza before, and if you see a heap of shredded iceberg lettuce, crushed Cool Ranch Doritos, and ground beef in your pizza box without expecting it, it’s alarming. We all let out a sound like, “Aeuaugh!” in confusion and disgust, believing our pizza to be tampered with. Once we figured out what it was, though, we knew we weren’t about to wait for the right pizza to arrive. So we ate it, and we saw that it was good.
But that’s nothing compared to the time I ordered a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza and it arrived with a piece missing. I don’t think I’ve stopped laughing about that for 20 years.
What about you? Has a hilariously ill-fated pizza delivery ever left you with a solid gold anecdote? You know we want to hear it.