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Last Call: Should dog pants go on two legs or four?

Two dogs wearing different styles of pants.
Four legs good, two legs bad? Or is it the other way around?
Photo: Bagel Bites
Last CallLast CallLast Call is The Takeout’s online watering hole where you can chat, share recipes, and use the comment section as an open thread. Here’s what we’ve been reading/watching/listening around the office today.

You may have missed the news that we are in the midst of National Dog Week. This is distinct from National Dog Day, which was August 26; National Rescue Dog Day, traditionally observed on May 20; and Kukur Tihar, the Nepalese festival of the dog, this year on November 14; plus your own dog’s birthday and Gotcha Day. It’s a lot to remember, and really, the truth is every day is dog day.

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But Bagel Bites did not forget. What do Bagel Bites have to do with dogs?, you ask. The logic of this is a bit twisted, but here it is: Some people think dog pants should cover all four legs while other people think that dog pants should cover only the hind legs (with a little hole for the tail), but, as the slogan goes, “Pizza on a bagel—we can all agree with that.” Still, Bagel Bites generously set up a Twitter poll to settle the question once and for all.

Joe, a dog of taste and discernment who loves his bow tie and prefers to go pantsless
Joe, a dog of taste and discernment who loves his bow tie and prefers to go pantsless
Photo: Aimee Levitt
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One thing Bagel Bites didn’t do is ask the dogs. So I just asked my own dog, Joe, a dapper canine with sartorial flair. He rolled over and squinted at me, as if to ask, “Why would I want to wear pants at all, and is it time for my walk yet?” I extrapolate from this sample of one that the vast majority of dogs don’t care, either, but it’s the humans who have the coordination necessary to use Twitter, and also who buy the dog clothes and the Bagel Bites, so there you have it.

Today Bagel Bites announced the results of the poll. Of a total of 72,800 (human) voters, 88.5% thought that dog pants should only cover the two hind legs. Accordingly, Bagel Bites will be selling two-legged dog pants with little pictures of bagel bites on them. But the brand respects differences of opinion, so it will be selling four-legged pants as well. While supplies last!

But maybe the question here is not “How many legs should dog pants have?” but “Should dogs wear pants at all?” Please ask your dogs. We need to know.

Aimee Levitt is associate editor of The Takeout.

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DISCUSSION

italianator
2Woke2Joke

If we’re trying to make them look like little humans: two.
If we’re trying to keep them warm: four.

If we’re trying to annoy the shit out of them for our amusement: put a hat on them.