....WHEN PIZZA’S ON A BAGEL, YOU CAN EAT PIZZAAA ANYTIME.
What is it about the Bagel Bites jingle that so captivated an entire generation? Is it the rockstar sensibility of these throaty singers and their many backup vocalists? Is it the fact that the jingle plays under a montage of cool-as-hell children landing bike tricks and shooting soccer goals before swooping into mom’s clean kitchen to nab platefuls of microwavable playtime fuel? Whatever the case, we all have experience belting out this particular arrangement, whether we like to admit it or not. One time I was even part of an impromptu Bagel Bites sing-a-long that broke out in my college cafeteria. It’s a powerful ten seconds of music.
And finally, Bagel Bites is handing that power to us, the consumers who are forever cursed to walk the earth with pizzainthemornin’pizzaintheevenin’ buzzing through our heads like a half-remembered dream. The company has announced Bagel Bops, a contest to remix the classic Bagel Bites jingle for a chance to win $10,000 and a year’s supply of you-know-what. You can submit a recording through the website, or post a more public video of your artistic re-interpretation on TikTok. According to the press release, you have until December 10 to enter, “whether you want to create an acoustic indie version to soothe the pizza snack-loving soul, or perform your own interpretive dance to the familiar jingle.” That’s a lot of leeway, and we can only assume the Bagel Bites social team will soon grow to hate the song that defined a generation of miniature-pizza eaters.
How would you remix this jingle? If I could do more than play “Heart & Soul” on the piano, I might try a slow, contemplative, Philip Glass-esque rendition. I would also be interested in hearing something of the Kendrick Lamar persuasion, but I assume he has better things to do, and it’s unlikely that winners of the Pulitzer Prize for Music are eligible for entry.