Last Call: Let's play “WTF is Wish trying to sell me?”

Illustration for article titled Last Call: Let's play “WTF is Wish trying to sell me?”
Screenshot: Facebook (Wish)

The world is hot, stinking garbage today, so let’s take ten minutes or so to play a little game, calm down, and hopefully reset our minds a bit so we can be our best selves as we rage against the machine. Now, if you’re on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, you’ve seen ads for Wish: an online shopping portal that sells ??? at low, low prices. I say ??? because I’m honestly not sure what Wish’s business plan is, because they show my friends pictures of home goods and cute hats, and they show me things like this:

Illustration for article titled Last Call: Let's play “WTF is Wish trying to sell me?”
Screenshot: Wish (Allison’s Phone)

First, I’m pretty sure we can all agree that $33 for a stack of eight fluffy adult diapers is an excellent deal.

The next image is obviously Kitten Mittons, but I’m not sure how this particular model works. They appear to be plastic tubes with some sort of screw lock mechanism? I’m not sure that cats can walk in those things, but since they spend most of their days sleeping and getting belly rubs, it’s probably not that much of an inconvenience. If society expects me to wear high heels, then there’s nothing wrong with me expecting my cats to wear hot pink peglegs.

The last item, though, has me stumped. Is this to keep birds fresh in your lunchbox? Maybe it’s a birdie car seat, or a way to conveniently store your favorite pigeon in your purse?

What are your best guesses? And if Wish is trying to sell you anything as awesome as these things, take a screenshot and post it in the comments. We’ve got a lot of detective work to do.

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.


Burners Baby Burners: Discussion Inferno

Ok, so first off, those diapers are for paraphilic infantilism which is a kink that really turns my stomach, and I guess now it’s popular enough that Chinese manufacturers are making them available on Wish. They will probably be sub-standard quality, as most things from the app are.

Those cat torture devices, meanwhile, seem like a great design to break your cat’s leg if he doesn’t bite your hands off and chew through the screw lock first.

And finally, that pigeon coop looks a little small. (all jokes aside, it’s probably for veterinary use.)

ETA: so it turns out Wish also offers Lee Press-On Nails for cats:

And flight suit diapers for parrots