Last Call: Let's Rank Some Candy Real Quick

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By  Marnie Shure

We're this close to the 100-day mark of being under stay-at-home orders. This is day 91 for me, and 91 days' worth of not going to restaurants, not chatting idly with family or friends on a patio somewhere, and not attending any event where checking a phone might be rude (movies, open mics, etc.) means that I'm spending much more time reading Twitter. And spending way too much time thoughtfully considering tweets like this:

How can I possibly rank them "real quick" when I want to think about this ever so carefully to ensure I make an informed decision?

Ultimately, I know that the lowest slot is for Snickers. This isn't Snickers' fault; it's just a candy bar that's grown boring by virtue of its constant presence in our lives. The peanuts really should be salty, don't you think? It's a candy bar in the truest, purest sense, which is to say, I tire of its flatly chewy consistency after the first bite.

Meanwhile, the bite of every other option available to us in this "real quick" ranking presents a challenge, whether it's one of texture or approach. There are many different ways to go about eating a Reese's (though no incorrect one, I'm told), which makes it a fun little event in one's day—you can't absentmindedly eat a Reese's cup. Twix has a Jekyll-and-Hyde crunchy/gooey contrast that stimulates the brain much more than a Snickers. Kit Kat, meanwhile, is the perfect candy to suck on rather than chew, and it lasts a lot longer that way.

Here's my ranking, from lowest to highest: Snickers, Twix, Reese's, Kit Kat. Ultimately a Reese's cup is the most delicious and indulgent of the four, but Kit Kat wins out for its volume snackability. The density and messiness of a Reese's is its undoing.

Now it's your turn. Rank these real quick. And have a good weekend.

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