Photo: Gwen Ihnat
Last CallLast Call is The Takeout’s online watering hole where you can chat, share recipes, and use the comment section as an open thread. Here’s what we’ve been reading/watching/listening around the office today.  

Promo cookie marketing fail

Here at the Onion Inc. offices, occasionally one of our benevolent colleagues will bring in a snack for the communal snack table. Today, a delightful coworker from marketing gifted us all with the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom promo version of Fudge Stripes. Totally appreciate the effort (I know, only I could complain about a free snack), but I don’t know when a cookie has ever made me madder. By my count, it’s the second fail in a row from the Jurassic World marketing department.

I once made a cheese sauce and didn’t put in enough cheese so it kind of tasted like thick water. This is the cookie version of that bland gastronomical abomination. Despite its bright blue-green shade—which would indicate a mint taste, maybe, possibly a lime—this cookie tastes like nothing but sandy, near-flavorless sweetness. There’s nothing fudgey about them. The package bills them as a “shortbread,” but that is also an insult to shortbread, as these soulless disks lack the buttery, sweet-salty goodness of that cookie genre.

In conclusion, I really hate these cookies. As penance for my whining here, I need to go out and purchase my own contribution to the snack table. Possibly actual Fudge Stripes, or Walker shortbread fingers, which actually do the shortbread name proud. [Gwen Ihnat]


It’s Gwen’s birthday!

“Happy birthday, Gwen!” this dog is no doubt saying in dog-speak.
Photo: Catherine Falls Commercial (Getty Images)

Advertisement

I hope Gwen doesn’t mind me throwing some attention her way. It’s her birthday, y’all, so let’s show The Takeout’s deputy managing editor some love. I’ll start: Gwen is hilarious but also smartly introspective. (I could learn much from her in the latter department.) Want proof? Her mommy-wine piece is one of my favorites. [Kate Bernot]