Celebrities shouldn’t be allowed outdoors. They should be little Mike Teavee-sized entities who fall asleep when I log out of Hulu, only awakening when I log back in. Seeing a famous person in real life is unsettling, like getting a glimpse into an alternate reality in which everyone has 12 hours a day to languish on an elliptical and pluck their eyebrows into straight lines. The only exception: catching a celebrity when they look really bad, like the time famed Branson magician Kirby Van Burch visited my friend’s dad’s fireworks stand when I was 16. He looked like hell and bought a ton of Roman candles. We all got a picture with him.
The next best thing is catching a celebrity when they’re entirely made of wax. Wax figures aren’t sentient, which means you can wrinkle your brow and stare at them for as long as you want and they probably won’t know. That’s the idea behind a new initiative at Brooklyn’s iconic Peter Luger Steakhouse. The Hollywood Reporter explains that, to enforce proper social distancing, Peter Luger has installed a series of wax celebs from Madame Tussauds New York—Audrey Hepburn, Jon Hamm, Jimmy Fallon, and Al Roker, to name a few—to fill empty seats when the restaurant opens up for indoor dining this weekend.
“We’re excited to welcome diners back indoors at 35%, and thought this would be a fun, safe way to fill some of the seats that need to remain empty as we continue to fight the pandemic,” said Daniel Turtel, Vice President of Peter Luger. Terrifying, but also... intriguing. Here’s my question: wax or no wax, have you ever seen a celebrity at a restaurant? Have you seen Vince Vaughan slurp up cacio e pepe? Does Nicole Kidman eat salad weird? Please tell me all about your sightings in the comments.