Last Call: Do you remember Rush Limbaugh’s broadly nationalistic sweet tea brand?

Screenshot of Rush Limbaugh dressed as Paul Revere holding sweet tea
Nothing will ever be as funny as this.
Screenshot: Rich C (Fair Use)

Earlier today, we here at The Takeout noticed a peculiar phrase trending on Twitter. That phrase was “Rest In Piss.” Shortly after, I noticed that a ton of people were tweeting about Satan. Why are Twitter users chattering about pee and damnation? Because, everyone, Rush Hudson Limbaugh III died today, shuffling off his mortal coil and, one hopes, catapulting straight into Beelzebub’s patented Flay ‘N’ Play Skinless Ropes Course.

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“A man is dead!” you might tell me. “Have some respect!” Spare me your protestations, dudes. Limbaugh was a corrupt, lying racist who laid the groundwork for Trumpist devastation. The world is better off without him—but before we lay his scab-encrusted memory to rest for good, I do have one question. Do you remember Two If By Tea, Limbaugh’s sweet tea brand?

I hadn’t heard of it until I saw this tweet. According to Limbaugh’s robust Wikipedia page, Limbaugh and his wife launched a line of bottled iced tea beverages called “Two if by Tea” back in 2012. The label features Limbaugh cosplaying as Rush Revere, his hyper-patriotic and historically baffling alter-ego, waving a bottle of tea around atop Liberty the talking horse. Nothing has ever been funnier than this, and nothing will ever be funnier than this.

Now that Limbaugh is dead, six-packs of the stuff are going for more than $800 on eBay. Behold, the product description for one such eBay listing:

“Rush Limbaugh Two If By Tea - Original 6 Pack. Sealed. Condition is ‘New.’ Shipped with UPS Ground. The last pack sold for $750, I have to move, so this has to go now.”

They have to move, so this has to go now. The six-pack is currently listed for $880, or $40 per month for 24 months using PayPal Credit. There’s a lot to cherish here, but my biggest question for you is: do you remember this product? Part of me feels like this is way too good to be true, like a massive Mandela Effect–adjacent hoax. But if you remember this campaign, I would very much like to hear from you. God bless America.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

DISCUSSION

lectroid
Lord John Whorfin

I know that there’s no such thing as a truly apolitical act. I know that “Stick to sports!” or “Stick to food!” cannot be an apolitical directive. Going to a restaurant is a political act. Buying a soft drink from a giant megacorp or a small local maker is a political act.

But for fuck’s sake, do we have to hear about this rotting taint stain EVERYWHERE?!?!

I don’t give a shit about some failed tea grift any more than I need an in depth oral history of the Trump(tm) Steaks “saga”.

A terrible human being will no longer increase the general quotient of unhappiness in the world. Let’s all pause a moment to ejoy the fact and then move on, hm?