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Skinnygirl margarita:

• “As far as I’m concerned, that tastes like really watered-down cheapo tequila with a little bit of lime. Hey, I can make diet booze by adding water to regular booze too!”

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• “Someone left their empty margarita glass in the sun. All the ice melted and all that is left is a hint of a margarita that was once there.”

• “Watery, but doable if REALLY cold. If I was watching calories I would drink it.”

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• “I’ll take the fat-girl alcohol any day.”

• “More sour than I expected but a passable lime margarita.”

• “I think I liked this the best, though that’s not saying much. It must be because of that charming Bethenny Frankel.”

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• “It tastes like when you get down to the melted ice in a margarita and keep drinking until the glass is dry. But worst-case scenario, I would drink it. I would never drink any of the other things.”

Nuvo sparkling liqueur:

• “The bottle is made from thick glass and is very heavy. Probably too heavy for them girly arms.”

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• “The color reminds me of hand soap. Mmm, delicious hand soap.”

• “The flavor is not anything special. Kind of like pink champagne and cherry soda.”

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“Looks like bubble bath, tastes like rosé watered down with ditch-water. This is nasty, astringent, pucker-inducing stuff. On the bright side, if the ladies don’t want to drink it, it’ll probably work as nail-polish remover.”

• “Not sure why this exists.”

• “Really sweet but something I would drink with the girls/on the beach. Carbonated alcoholic drinks in general get my vote.”

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• “I hated. It totally reminded me of Nuvaring, and it was just gross. Pink and bad aftertaste, and I would hands-down always drink any one of the ingredients before I drank them all together. It might not be HORRIBLE with OJ though.”

Dude vodka

“Oh my God, that is terrible. It doesn’t even register as a flavor for me, unless ‘horrible’ counts as a flavor.”

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• “Tasted like powdered lemon/lime Gatorade mixed into vodka. I know from personal experience. Would drink if it was available.”

• “Gross. Mountain dew is terrible and so is this. Like citrus-flavored gasoline.”

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• “If you take it like a shot, you take it like a man. If you sip it, you’ll make the same mistake I did.”

• “This was advertised to us as Mountain Dew vodka. This is true as far as the color and scent, but the flavor is just messed-up.”

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• “I haven’t tasted liquor this bitter and astringent since Malört.

Bear Semen/Dude Semen

• “Bear semen was an energy drink. Big deal. Nice marketing, dudes.”

• “I’m disappointed this stuff isn’t opaque, and doesn’t have the general consistency of hair conditioner. ’Cause what’s more refreshing than that?”

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• It’s kinda fruity, sweet, and generic, especially for something that’s supposedly so manly. That aside, though, I like it better than anything else we tried today. It’s a pretty effective mouth-rinse, if nothing else.”

• “I’m still trying to get my head around the idea that there’s nothing manlier than guzzling animal cum. Though I have to say, getting the stuff in the first place probably does get people’s energy levels up. I’m not sure how that carries over to the drinker, though.”

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• “Tastes exactly like its name: delicious.”

• “Tastes like Red Bull’s retarded half-cousin. So, pretty okay.”

• “Bear Semen reminded me a lot of Red Bull. I expected something a little more aggressive with a name like Bear Semen, so I was a bit disappointed.”

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• “Dude Semen I would drink, because it has alcohol as opposed to plain ol’ bear semen.”

• “Expectations? Horchata and salmon jerky. Maybe some dingleberries.”

• “I want to comment on the can’s label, which features a bare-knuckle boxer confronting a standing bear ready to attack. That seems like the worst way to get a bear to release its seed. I think a man in a beekeepers suit giving the bear a reach-around in front of a milk maiden’s bucket would be the way to go.”