Bryant promoting his book The Mamba Mentality: How I Play
Photo: David Livingston / Contributor (Getty Images)

Kobe Bryant, Academy Award-winning filmmaker and once and former moral compass of the NBA, journeyed to James Corden’s The Late Late Show this week to promote The Wizenard Series: Training Camp, a book written by Wesley King and created by Bryant. While there, he joined the host and fellow guest Cara Delevingne for a game of “Spill Your Guts Or Fill Your Guts,” a recurring segment in which participants must answer sometimes uncomfortable questions or eat unusual and often gross foods. Some examples from elsewhere in the segment: Delevigne ate “cricket tapenade” rather than rank fashion houses for which she’d modeled, and Corden drank “hot dog juice” when he was asked how much of Bryant’s book-creation he’d read and failed to even remotely describe the plot. (Related question: Is hot dog juice stock, or broth?)

The Hollywood Reporter has a more detailed account of the segment. But it kicked off like so, with Corden asking Bryant to rank three basketball players or opt to eat cow’s tongue instead. The players in question: LeBron James, Michael Jordan, and noted book creator Kobe Bryant, who just couldn’t get along with a co-worker and thus blew up his first title team.

First of all, cow’s tongue isn’t that weird—has it had tacos or Jewish food lately?—though presented in that way, it does look pretty gnarly. Second, the single funniest thing about this segment is that anyone had any doubt what Bryant was going to pick, and how he’d rank the players in question when he chose that option.

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Seriously, how did he resist the urge to say, “Oh, if you insist” before putting himself on the top of that list? What’s next, is Corden going to ask Tom Brady to rank quarterbacks with smug faces or he’ll have to eat a Twinkie?

Bryant’s ranking, as stated, is 1) Bryant, 2) Jordan, 3) James. His actual ranking is probably Bryant, Bryant, Bryant, Bryant while sleepwalking, baseball’s own Michael Jordan, everyone but Shaq, restauranteur and fictional genie Shaquille O’Neal. With regard to LeBron, he’d probably go full Mariah Carey.

He’s wrong.

Kobe Bryant has more Oscars than David Lynch and Glenn Close. Kobe Bryant’s ranking of that group would definitely be Kobe Bryant, Cruella de Vil, loud guy from Twin Peaks. Looking forward to his career as world’s greatest living creator of books about wizards. Kobe Bryant’s ranking of people who write books about wizards: Kobe Bryant, the Harry Potter lady, everyone else, Shaq.

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