Update, December 14: Oh, you actually were interested in that chicken-scented log, eh? Sorry for those who didn’t snatch theirs up early, as the logs reportedly sold out within hours yesterday.
Original story, December 13:
“Back in my day,” your grandpa begins wheezily, “If we wanted fried chicken-smellin’ fires, we had to throw the chicken on the flames ourselves.”
He’s right, friends, but that hardship ends today, as KFC introduces a firelog that smells like the Colonel’s 11-herbs-and-spices fried chicken, made in partnership with Enviro-Log. For $18.99 (shipping and handling and tax included!), you’ll receive a 5-pound log that can burn for 2.5-3 hours. Limit one per person, while supplies last, you must obtain the express written consent of Major League Baseball, etc. The site accepts payment via PayPal and states that most logs arrive within 5 days of ordering, so that’s plenty of time to plan your Christmas or New Year’s Eve gathering around this festive and finger-lickin’ fire-starter.
There are a few qualifications that give us pause, though, notably: “May attract bears or neighbors who are hungry.” Wait—would this actually attract bears? (This is a legit concern in parts of my state of Montana.) What about raccoons? Sure, that $19 chicken log sounds like a fine idea until you wake up on Christmas morning to find a family of possums has inhabited your chimney and chewed through all your kids’ presents. Don’t say The Takeout didn’t warn you.