Illustration for article titled Chiefs win Super Bowl LIV, 49ers and $32 steak on a stick lose
Photo: Pineapple Studio (iStock), serikbaib (iStock), oobqoo (iStock)

The Chiefs might’ve won their first Super Bowl in 50 years, but last night was a disappointing night for meat on a stick. According to the Miami Herald, one of the Hard Rock Stadium’s pricier items, Steak Kan Kan on a stick for $32, didn’t make much of an impression on football fans. Sorry to this steak.

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Steak Kan Kan on a stick was simply a 16-oz. steak with a wooden stick shoved through it. No, not beef kebab—a full-blown steak on a stick. Tweeted photos show there was also the stone crab cocktail for $85, an 18-inch Cubano sausage for $50—both of which seem, at least, split-able?—and $25 glasses of Champagne. I guess if you’re willing to shell out $5,000 to watch big boys tackle each other, shelling out another Ben Franklin for food and drink is probably NBD. But apparently the besticked slab of beef wasn’t worth the $32 to Super Bowl attendees.

Questions we have that the creators of Steak Kan Kan didn’t seem to consider: How the hell do you eat it? Does one get a knife and fork and plate to eat it with? Or is it meant to stay on the stick? How does the steak not flop over, wreaking havoc on one’s lap and, indeed, Super Bowl experience? And why steak? Was it meant to usher in a sort of elevated sports viewing experience? Why, in God’s name, would someone purchase a $32 steak when they could simply buy $12 pork nachos?

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Simply put, the Steak Kan Kan didn’t bring the energy to Super Bowl Sunday. It was a great night to be a Kansas Citian, but a bad night to be a 49er or a 16oz-er. Better luck next year, meat on a stick.

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