Bachelor in Paradise is full of heroes and villains in equal measure. There are those who believe in a reality TV show’s ability to yield true love (or, failing that, career development), and those who just show up to start shit based on their own selfish impulses and/or producer suggestions. It’s the exact kind of volatile mix needed for a series built around hot people drinking and making out on a beach, while also sometimes feeling very bad about these things.
It’s rarer, however, that a contestant is neither hero nor villain, at least in the traditional sense. Where even heroes are moved to action by a sense of obligation or moral responsibility, John Paul Jones simply exists, hanging out on a beach and living by Phil Jackson’s famed advice to “let the game come to you.” JPJ, who debuted in the Bachelorverse on the most recent season of The Bachelorette (while listing his occupation on the ticker as “John Paul Jones”), has since migrated to Paradise to hang out where the camera often can’t find him, cackle at his own jokes, and hide under a pillow to recite poetry, among other pursuits.
While (Spoilers) JPJ may have fallen into the same overly territorial trap as so many other Bachelor contestants before him during the series’ most recent installment, he’s spent much of his time in Paradise (or Sayulita, Mexico) on a far simpler quest: to eat food without a major incident taking place. For instance, consider JPJ’s recent first date, which seems to be going fine until he breaks a cardinal Bachelor rule:
While his companion Tahzjuan is about as kind as somebody can be on a first date when the person opposite you suddenly lapses into a strange coughing fit, JPJ dodges her stern warnings about not eating the date food at his own peril. Eating the date food is something of a taboo in the Bachelor world for numerous reasons, from the basic truth of people being weirded out by watching other people eat to the steady presence of off-camera food and snacks.
This isn’t even the first time this season that JPJ has met his culinary match; several episodes ago, in a scene that is unfortunately not available online at this time, JPJ was given hot sauce-laden tacos by another prospective romantic partner, only to end up violently retching and wandering into the ocean as a result. It is not clear why he’s so averse to much of the food served at this time, but you keep chasing your own muse and shining on, JPJ. Except for all that business last night. That wasn’t great.