There aren’t many times when news stories about professional golf cross over into the world of fast food, but when they do, it’s well worth paying attention to them. Earlier this month, we covered a nail-biting incident in which Bud Cauley nearly lost $3,000 in cornhole winnings after stashing the cash in a Jack in the Box bag that was subsequently thrown in the trash. (The bag was unearthed with the money intact, but it was a close call.) And now, fast food has become an expensive habit for yet another pro golfer: John Daly, who drunkenly purchased $446.10 worth of Taco Bell on Uber Eats in Miami this week.
Daly posted a segment of the Uber Eats receipt to his Instagram Story with the caption, “DON’T DRINK AND ORDER TACO BELL ON UBER EATS,” complete with a sticker of flashing police lights. (A screenshot of the Instagram Story can be found at Entrepreneur.) Despite Daly’s warning, I can only assume that the grand tradition of ordering Taco Bell delivery while drunk shall continue unabated.
But let’s talk about the Uber Eats receipt for a moment. We only see a section of the full Taco Bell order, which lists the total cost—again, that’s $446.10—and the first few items in the order. Those items include:
- 20 mild sauce packets (no charge on these!)
- 5 Grilled Cheese Burritos
- 10 Crunchy Taco Supremes
- 10 Spicy Double Steak Grilled Cheese Burritos
- 1 Beef Burrito
The order could have taken greater advantage of combo meals, but that’s a bit of calculus that a drunken John Daly probably couldn’t be bothered with. (And the fact that only a single, solitary Beef Burrito was added to a $446.10 tab is the sort of detail that makes this whole order feel, to me, like a genuine drunken mistake as opposed to a joke about a large group order.)
As Golf Digest points out, “The whole point of Taco Bell, other than ruining your body for the next 24-to-48 hours, is that you can craft a massive order and it comes out to like $27.” So, discounting the cost of the items shown on the receipt, how did the remaining $315.56 get spread around?
Here’s how we would allocate the remainder, based on menu prices at my nearest Chicago location:
- 25 Cheesy Gordita Crunch ($107.25)
- 20 Nachos BellGrande ($107.80)
- 15 Black Bean Crunchwrap Supremes ($62.85)
- 10 Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes ($18.90)
- 1 Nacho Cheese Sauce ($0.60)
- 500 more mild sauce packets ($0.00)
- 500 hot sauce packets ($0.00)
- 500 fire sauce packets ($0.00)
- 18 Cinnamon Twists ($18.00)
- 1,000 diablo sauce packets ($0.00)
- 1 spork ($0.00)
This order leaves 16 cents of John Daly’s total unaccounted for. It’s also possible that the total cost listed on his Uber Eats receipt actually encompasses delivery fee and a (hopefully hefty) tip, in which case my own calculations include too many Cheesy Gordita Crunches and not enough driver compensation. In my Taco Bell fantasies, however, I can have both. What would you choose for your drunken Taco Bell spending spree?