Traumatize your coworkers by inviting a giant sentient bean into your next Zoom meeting

Pile of multicolored jelly beans
Photo: David Paul Morris / Stringer (Getty Images)

Fellow staff writer Dennis Lee and I joined The Takeout in October, so we’ve never met in person. Actually, I’ve only met one member of my work team in person. I know the rest as disembodied shoulders, necks, and heads, experienced solely through our bi-weekly video chats. Do they even have lower torsos? I’m not sure. In fact, if they each lowered their cameras to reveal mermaid fins instead of legs, I doubt I’d bat an eye. But if one of them inexplicably invited a large, silent, omniscient jelly bean into our video meetings, that might be cause for concern. This is the crux of a new promotion from Jelly Belly, as indicated by a press release sent to The Takeout.

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In celebration of National Jelly Bean Day on April 22, Jelly Belly will help you digitally confuse/beguile/terrify your coworkers with a Zoom cameo from Mr. Jelly Belly himself. Who is Mr. Jelly Belly, you ask? Why, he’s an enormous red bean with unblinking eyes and a taut smile—and he’s volunteered to join one lucky company’s virtual meeting. He does not speak, but he will provide the winning company with a year’s supply of Jelly Belly jelly beans. The brand writes:

“As many are missing the benefits of a shared office environment—from in-person collaboration to swinging by the beloved office candy jar for a quick break— Jelly Belly is finding a new way for co-workers to share a smile and a treat virtually.”

If you’d like to coordinate a visit from the monstrous bean, enter Jelly Belly’s sweepstakes to win. “In full disclosure, Mr. Jelly Belly is a bit shy, so don’t expect him to talk, present a PowerPoint or take notes on this meeting,” jokes Rob Swaigen, Jelly Belly’s vice president of global marketing. He might be uncannily silent, but rest assured: Mr. Jelly Belly sees all.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

DISCUSSION

highlikeaneagle
HighLikeAnEagle

I’d love for Mr. Jelly Belly to bust into one of my Zoom court hearings! I hear judges love that.