Pierce your tongue, cue the industrial music, and slide into your Geo Metro, because Goldfish is catapulting us back into the ’90s with Jalapeño Popper–flavored crackers and... a JNCO Jeans Partnership.
You remember JNCOs. They’re the absurdly large jeans from the days of No Doubt that I personally feel are synonymous with wearing an upside-down visor on your head and calling things “phat.” Each pant leg was wide enough to sneak a family of four into a screening of Cruel Intentions. Truly a feat of modern denim stitchery.
Now, given the flavor’s popularity in the ’90s, Goldfish has decided that its new jalapeño popper flavor goes well with a helping of shudder-inducing nostalgia. Per a press release sent to The Takeout, the brand has—I am not kidding—created a “limited-edition Goldfish Jalapeño Popper JNCO jean.” The release explains that the jeans are “the ultimate 90s snacking pants” with “large pockets perfect for a bag of Jalapeño Popper Goldfish.” Starting today, September 2, fans can get their hands on a pair of the limited-edition jeans at JNCO.com/goldfish, complete with a bag of Jalapeño Popper Goldfish “to enjoy by the handful while wearing the new snack pants.”
One thing: the jeans are, ahem, two hundred dollars. I suppose nostalgia comes at a cost, but for that price, you could probably rent out a Sublime cover band for an entire weekend. If you’d rather not spend two HUNDRED entire DOLLARS on a pair of jeans that’ll make you look like you crawled out of an episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy, you can purchase Jalapeño Popper Goldfish now at major retailers for $2.69 per 6.6oz. bag. In the meantime, there are plenty of other ways to channel ’90s nostalgia. Cut yourself a stylish Rachel hairdo. Slip into a velvet minidress. Coat your gorgeous lips in a layer of fudge-colored lipstick. Whatever you do, it’s gotta be better than reviving those tent-like jeans.