Photo: SOPA Images / Contributor (Getty Images)

Greetings from a person who recently flew from Chicago to Los Angeles on a plane next to a guy who was pretty damn drunk, here to report that the fine folks at Jägermeister are rolling out a campaign that involves giving people at airports free shots of the Jäg before said people board pointy metal tubes that soar through the air with no escape, none, none at all.

The Drinks Business reports that the Jägermeister: Ice Cold campaign kicked off this week at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam. Its aims to demonstrate the perfect serving of Jägermeister, which is (apparently) -18 degrees Celsius (or 0 degrees Fahrenheit). As it happens, that’s roughly the temperature of the average home freezer.

Here’s the overall vibe: You walk into a “themed environment” (per TDB) outfitted with icicles and general iciness. Then “promotional characters [give] travelers that pass through the airport the opportunity to learn more about the brand and sample an ice cold shot of Jägermeister.” What could possibly go wrong?

TDB quotes Dietmar Frank, Mast-Jägermeister director of global travel retail, as saying:

“We are being single-minded with our ice cold message to ensure that both loyal and new consumers truly understand Jägermeister and how it is best consumed.

“We are the only spirit brand that has this unique serve of -18º and our insight shows that consumers are looking for more guidance on how to best enjoy our brand.”

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The “Ice Cold” activation will remain parked at Schipol for a month, before “rolling out to other key airports and travel retail stores across the globe.” Well, that is just great.

Listen, I am not judging anyone who wants to drink at the airport. I’m an extremely anxious flyer, and the highlight of my very bumpy flight back to Chicago yesterday was the complimentary Bailey’s and coffee I got because it was Valentine’s Day. (Thanks, Southwest, it hit the spot.) Park at Rock & Brews, the KISS restaurant, and have a mimosa or two. Hell, when I fly out of O’Hare here in Chicago I always make a point of showing up early enough that I can hit the airport Publican and have a bloody mary.

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My point is this: Whatever you have to do to make a stressful situation less stressful, do it. But this seems like kind of a lot, no? Who has ever said, “Oh, I’ll just have one drink,” and had that one drink be a freakin’ shot of Jägermeister?

And hey, If you do make a beeline for the free booze, just drink responsibly, okay? Because the woman you’re going to sit next to is not going to love getting up every 15 minutes so you can pee and/or vomit, and the flight attendants aren’t going to love coming up to you three times to tell you you can’t be on your phone, and you’re going to talk very loudly and unabashedly watch a movie over someone’s shoulder and then fall asleep on that person’s shoulder (not me, thank god), and you’re going to call everyone honey in a very loud voice and be generally intolerable. And the nice woman from the beginning of the story, she’ll have work to do, but she’ll be afraid to keep her computer out because she is very sure you’re going to puke on it, or spill on it, or both. And she has already been puked on once in her life and cannot buy herself a new laptop right now so please don’t, okay?