Irish Potato Chip Company Apologizes For Fun Uncle's Weed Farm
A former Irish potato chip crisp executive has been arrested for growing a shit-ton of weed on his verdant, extremely chill farm in North Dublin. In response, Keogh's Crisps has issued a public apology, as it appears to be blissfully unaware of the correlation between pot and potato chip sales.
The farmer, 64-year-old Tony Keogh, was arrested after a neighbor who doesn't understand the meaning of "minding their own fucking business" sold him out to The Man. Keogh, who is the uncle of company founder Tom Keogh had about €20,000 (around $3o,ooo) worth of cannabis on his property. That amount of weed could do a ton of good in Ireland: it could help people deal with chronic pain without opiates, it could help alleviate chemotherapy side effects in cancer patients, it can help children with severe seizure disorders... it can even help people safely deal with anxiety and existential terror, which seems to be going around quite a bit these days. However, Ireland cares not for such things, and as such, marijuana is strictly illegal, except for a small number of medical patients who can only have access to that sweet life-saving Mary Jane after a strict evaluation by Ireland's Ministry of Health.
On Saturday, Keogh's released a full statement on Twitter, distancing itself from its very naughty uncle:
"Following media coverage relating to the Keogh's family business and the reporting of the unlicensed cannabis cultivation of a family member, Keogh's farm would like to confirm that this has occurred and communicate the full details of the situation.
Unbeknownst to the Keogh business, Tony who officially retired from the family farm business in 2019, had been researching medical cannabis production around the world following the move by the Irish government to legalise medical cannabis last year.
Tony did not reveal his intentions to anybody, nor did he seek legal advice at any stage. Tony had been cultivating the plants in a small area of an unused glasshouse within full view of the public road and as such a member of the public reported the activities to the Garda Síochána [local police force].
As a family branded business, we acknowledge that we must take responsibility for the actions of our family members regardless of them being actively involved with our business or not.
We would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize to our loyal customers who have supported our family business over the years.
After his arrest, the fun uncle of the Keogh clan charged with possession, possession of drugs for unlawful sale or supply, and for the prohibition of cultivation of a cannabis plant. According to Irish law, any person possessing more than €13,000 worth of cannabis faces between 10 years and life in prison. Meanwhile in Ireland, drinking alcohol remains perfectly legal.