A kid chows down on deep fried butter-on-a-stick at the Iowa State Fair in 2011.
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

The average temperature in Des Moines, Iowa, on August 11—the date of this year’s Iowa State Fair—is 84 degrees F with 48 percent humidity. These are the perfect conditions for a refreshing deep-fried stick of butter, or perhaps a Polish sausage corn dog. Fairgoers this year will have even more exciting food options to choose from, as the Des Moines Register reports the Fair unveiled its 56 new food items today. Some choice inclusions:

  • Pork Belly Burnt Ends Poutine
  • Rocky Mountain Oysters (they’re not seafood, folks)
  • Bacon Pancake Dippers
  • Pickle Beer (like this?)
  • Deep-Fried Pecan Pie On A Stick
  • Popcorn On A Stick in the shape of Iowa (I don’t mean to be an asshole, but isn’t Iowa just a squarish blob?)
  • Cookie Dough Spaghetti (obviously)
  • Honey Sriracha Cheese Stix
  • Chicken In A Waffle On A Stick (likely the work of a Noble Prize-winning engineer)
  • Snickers In A Waffle On A Stick

Friends, there is so much more on the full list, which you can read until your eyes glaze over and drool coats your keyboard. Fairgoers are invited to vote—via the Fair’s app—for their favorite new food, which will be crowned August 15. I’m pulling for Cookie Dough Spaghetti.