Last Call: What does your zodiac sign say about your taste in coffee creamer?

Illustration for article titled Last Call: What does your zodiac sign say about your taste in coffee creamer?
Image: International Delight
Last CallLast CallLast Call is The Takeout’s online watering hole where you can chat, share recipes, and use the comment section as an open thread. Here’s what we’ve been reading/watching/listening around the office today.

Once upon a time, you needed an actual astrologer to read your horoscope. But now we live in a golden age of astrology, where anyone can receive personalized daily guidance from Co-Star, The Pattern, and, um, International Delight Coffee Creamer.


Yes, the company that specializes in flavored non-dairy coffee creamer has decided to look to the stars. As a sign of its seriousness, it has paired with astrologer Susan Miller, the author of the popular website Astrology Zone, so you know these readings are totally accurate.

As a Virgo, I’m used to getting screwed over by astrology and being told that I am boring and persnickety and no fun at all. (I mean, they don’t actually say that, but here are two things Co-Star has posted about us on Twitter this week: “All they really want is for their physical needs to be translated into data so they can synthesize it and calculate a proper response” and “Most commonly used phrase: ‘You are factually incorrect.’” I think these two things may actually be true, which makes me even angrier.) I totally expected that my International Delight creamer horoscope would be vanilla, because that’s how life is when you’re a Virgo. But instead, I got... hazelnut. Because “you are known to prefer the classic over the trendy.”

My mom, also a Virgo, keeps hazelnut-flavored Keurig pods in her house for the rare occasions when she drinks coffee, so maybe this checks out?

Meanwhile, French vanilla went to Cancer because it’s “a classic fan-favorite loved by just about everyone.” Of course.

My colleague Allison Robicelli was dismissive of her own creamer horoscope, which turned out to be white chocolate mocha. “I am a Leo and no creamer can contain us,” she said. Which is what you would expect a Leo to say. (It would never occur to a Virgo to question the authority of a horoscope.) Marnie Shure, though, is a candy-loving Pisces, and her creamer is birthday cake, which seemed entirely appropriate.

Anyway, here is the horoscope for your reading pleasure. I hope you find as much enlightenment as we did.


Aimee Levitt is associate editor of The Takeout.


@Aimee — be glad you’re not a Scorpio, which pop culture interprets as basically being Voldemort.