It’s possible that some of you are missing airline travel right now. You’re yearning to wait in long lines at the airport and sit in tiny airplane seats and eat lousy airline food because it means you’ll be on your way to someplace besides your home.
But hey, guess what? If you order from Imperfect Foods right now, you can get a cheese plate from Jet Blue—three ounces of mixed cheeses, dried cherries, and crackers—for just $2.99! The Washington Post reports that the grocery delivery service, which started with lumpy produce and branched off into snacks, sees it as a way to help out the mostly-grounded airline.
“Almost two months ago, before it became a nationwide pandemic, this catering and airplane meal supplier said they saw a decline in economy and business-class seats,” Imperfect CEO Philip Behn told the Post. “This was one of our first COVID-19 food waste recovery opportunities. We could only take a fraction of what they had.” Still, Imperfect has sold 40,000 of the plates so far. It’s also been selling popcorn from movie theaters and pineapples from hotels.
So here’s what you do. You get yourself a bunch of cheese trays. Then you arrange all the chairs in your house very close to each other and pack in every member of your household. (If you lack for humans, you can also used pets and stuffed animals.) Have one person demonstrate how to fasten a seatbelt and turn a seat cushion into a life preserver. Turn on a movie that nobody really wants to see, then have someone walk up and down offering drinks and passing out the cheese plates. If possible, everyone should do something really disgusting just as the cheese is served, such as pick their toenails or fart very loudly. Everyone should also kick the seat of the person in front of them repeatedly, especially as they’re about to take a drink. After an interminable length of time, have everyone get up in the most disorderly manner possible. Distribute leis. Whoo-hoo! You made it to Hawaii! And it looks just like your living room!
Note: I played this game a lot when I was seven, before I’d ever been on a plane. I haven’t played it since. But I’m sure it holds up great!