The TikTok video below, which insinuates I should be opening my freezie pops (or Otter Pops) by “popping” them in half, broke my brain for about five minutes—until I read the comments. Don’t listen to the well-meaning friends of yours who tell you not to read what the haters say. ALWAYS read the comments. Sometimes the haters have some unexpected insight.
First of all, TikTok users came for the creator of the video about his use of frozen treat nomenclature. User @sidneyraz calls these tubular frozen treats “popsicles,” which any aficionado can tell you is a different category entirely (one that features a stick). Then a fight broke out over whether or not these things should be called freezies or Otter Pops. “Freezie” is the generic term, so we shall use it here.
And, no, you probably shouldn’t be busting these in half as the TikTok video instructs. You will not do a good job, and you might poke one of your kids in the eyeball. Plus, your kid is going to make a big enough mess with one open end on this tube of liquid stain, let alone two. So it’s probably a good idea not to give them double fists of “blue”-flavored stuff to gesture with.
The options for breaking into a freezie are numerous, and some approaches are more thought-out than others. Many of us recall biting into the wrapper until the pop burst open into our mouths, rendering us with probable plastics in our digestive tracts, which may or may not have contributed to our early puberty.
Takeout editor Marnie Shure says her family had a designated spot for freeze pops in the basement freezer, complete with a dedicated pair of scissors stored in a cup right alongside the treats. The rest of us had to ask our moms to do it for us or try our darndest not to waste too much of those precious artificial flavors and colors when cutting the tops off by ourselves, provided our parents let us wield our own scissors.
In 2017, Esti Waldman shared valuable freezie pop advice with family blog Between Carpools. She makes the task of opening these things for her kids a lot easier by storing her freezie pops upright in a cup so that their contents stay at the bottom, leaving the tops juice-free. Once they’re frozen, she pre-cuts the plastic off. Then, when her kids want a pop, they don’t need to bug Mom.
Smart, if perhaps slightly more labor-intensive than necessary. I worry about a summer power outage and a spilled cup of pops. Also I’m lazy and don’t want to individually cut all the pops myself ahead of time. Opening freezies for my kids is Future Me’s problem.
I’m not going to tell you how best to pop your pop. Follow your summertime bliss, babe. But the middle path is that we shouldn’t be storing the big box of pops flat in our basement freezers. We should make it stand upright so the juice flows down, away from the opening. That way, when the time comes to open the chosen color of pop (a big decision), no sugar is wasted.
My children need that sugar, you see. They are so deprived and need to suck every last drop from that plastic sleeve before handing me the garbage with their sticky little hands and telling me they’re bored for the fiftieth time today. This is the stuff that summer memories are made of.