Want To Drink Your Twinkies? Hostess Has Just The Product For You [Update]

Update, March 17, 2020: We've received word from Hostess Brands, LLC that "All four items are in distribution now nationwide." Which do we try first? And how might we clean our palate between swigs—perhaps some sort of minty grasshopper-adjacent treat? We'll report back as we find answers to these important questions.

Original post, March 16, 2020: Thanks to Starbucks and its bevy of bevvies (I'm sorry) like Frappuccinos and seasonal mochas, it's become increasingly normalized for adults to purchase sophisticated, dressed-up milkshakes and hot cocoa on their way into work each day. And why not? As long as we all know that's what we're doing and harbor no delusion that the addition of coffee somehow makes these drinks a healthy and necessary part of our daily routine, then I think it's great. I love these sugary drinks! (And I would never dream of ordering them "skinny." I'm no fan of alternative sweeteners.)

But another drinkable dessert has entered the game, one that gives Starbucks a run for its money, and is likely to cost less money, too: the Hostess Ready-To-Drink Flavored Iced Latte, available soon in Twinkie, Ding Dong, Honey Bun, and Sno Ball flavors. There's something refreshingly straightforward about a product that's just trying to cram your favorite snack cake into a bottle.

According to a press release, the Hostess drinks "tastefully capture" the flavors of each classic dessert and will soon be available at retailers nationwide. I don't know when "soon" is, but I do hope it's soon by my own impatient standards, because only then might we be able to pick them up and determine whether these tasting notes are accurate:

Twinkies® Iced Latte bottles up the magic of the classic golden sponge cake flavor combined with creamy notes. Ding Dongs™ Iced Latte is full of rich chocolate flavors with wonderful vanilla tones. Honey Bun Iced Latte has a delightful honey flavor, finished with hints of glazed icing. Sno Balls™ Iced Latte combines flavors of coconut and sweet chocolate cake.

I'm also intrigued by the lack of a trademark on the term "Honey Bun." Maybe there's a rule against trademarking terms of endearment; perhaps there's a lucrative loophole to be found here. Should we stick some Honey Buns in a blender and run to the bottling plant before these things hit shelves?