Full disclosure: I am a millennial. I know this is shocking to faithful readers who had no idea I was merely a self-centered, Snapchatting moron who’s probably killing Costco. But alas, c’est vrai.
Normally I am here to defend my generational compatriots who, like me, suffered through a shitty post-college job market only to be blamed for seemingly everything wrong in the world. But on the question of pink lettuces, fellow millennials, I can’t defend your wide-eyed amazement.
According to multiple reports, millennials have discovered radicchio lettuce and are so stoked to Instagram it: “Pink lettuce — millennial lettuce?? — has taken over New York grocers and restaurant plates,” Eater NY states.
Yes, the lettuce is beautiful—except for how it kind of looks like ham sometimes—but come on. Is it seriously a revelation that multiple colors of vegetables exist? If so, allow me to blow. your. fucking. minds.
Exhibit A: Purple carrots.
Exhibit B: Green tomatoes. (There’s even a movie about these!)
Exhibit C: White asparagus.
Exhibit D: Black corn—soooooo goth.
Need I go on? Look, there’s no shame in posting photos of a beautiful dish you’re eating, but let’s at least pretend we’ve walked through a farmer’s market before.