Photo: Michael Marquand (Getty Images)

Full disclosure: I am a millennial. I know this is shocking to faithful readers who had no idea I was merely a self-centered, Snapchatting moron who’s probably killing Costco. But alas, c’est vrai.

Normally I am here to defend my generational compatriots who, like me, suffered through a shitty post-college job market only to be blamed for seemingly everything wrong in the world. But on the question of pink lettuces, fellow millennials, I can’t defend your wide-eyed amazement.

According to multiple reports, millennials have discovered radicchio lettuce and are so stoked to Instagram it: “Pink lettuce — millennial lettuce?? — has taken over New York grocers and restaurant plates,” Eater NY states.

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Yes, the lettuce is beautiful—except for how it kind of looks like ham sometimes—but come on. Is it seriously a revelation that multiple colors of vegetables exist? If so, allow me to blow. your. fucking. minds.

Exhibit A: Purple carrots.
Exhibit B: Green tomatoes. (There’s even a movie about these!)
Exhibit C: White asparagus.
Exhibit D: Black corn—soooooo goth.

Need I go on? Look, there’s no shame in posting photos of a beautiful dish you’re eating, but let’s at least pretend we’ve walked through a farmer’s market before.

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