Hey Ben Schwartz, is a hot dog a sandwich?

Illustration for article titled Hey Ben Schwartz, is a hot dog a sandwich?
Photo: Ray Tamarra , Graphic: Natalie Peeples
Is A Hot Dog A Sandwich?Is A Hot Dog A Sandwich?Welcome to Is A Hot Dog A Sandwich? in which The Takeout asks famous and important people to answer the most important question to ever beguile the human race.

Ben Schwartz is a busy guy. He’s giving cornerstone voice performances in two separate animated series, as Leonardo in Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Dewey in DuckTales—and, he’s quick to note, he’d be thrilled to play “any other blue iconic ’90s character.” Since letting that bon mot fly, he’s also been announced as the voice of the titular role in the forthcoming Sonic the Hedgehog film, so hey, Hulu, you might want to reach out about the casting of Wacko in that Animaniacs reboot you’re developing. Seriously, look:


When he’s not impatiently tapping his foot, eating animated pizzas, or cracking wise with Huey and Louie, he’s working as a writer, director, actor, author, comedian, you get the idea. His dance card is full. (Also: Jean-Ralphio!)

Yet he took the time, during the Television Critics Association’s summer press tour, to help The Takeout solve one of the world’s great mysteries.

The Takeout: Ben, one question.

Ben Schwartz: Please.

TO: Is a hot dog a sandwich?

BS: Why is everybody asking this?! You know the other one that’s big is, would you rather fight one 100-foot duck, or 100 one-foot ducks?

TO: We’ve never heard that one.

[A brief discussion of the merits of fighting 100 tiny ducks followed with those nearby. It was heated and thought-provoking, but does not concern sandwiches, and besides, everyone must answer such questions for themselves. We at The Takeout would pick the 100 one-foot ducks. We return to the topic at hand.]


BS: Okay! Define what you think a sandwich is, because many people say if it has two pieces of bread, then it’s a sandwich.

TO: We’re on the fence.

BS: You’re on the fence about what’s a sandwich?

TO: I really don’t know. Every time somebody makes an argument, I’m swayed. But I’m also trying to stay neutral.


BS: Do you consider a hamburger a sandwich?

TO: We think we do?

BS: Okay, then you have to consider a hot dog a sandwich. Although, the bun is connected a little bit more. I love that we’re doing, like, a tight ten on this.


TO: Okay, so if you had to choose.

BS: I would say that if you tell me that a hamburger is a sandwich, I would say that B would equal that a hot dog is a sandwich.


TO: And if a hamburger is not a sandwich?

BS: I can’t get into that right now. How dare you?!


Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!



Yes it’s clearly the 100 small one foot ducks. Assuming I can’t bring weapons I’m not sure how I would even kill the single 100 foot dick unless it just stood there and let me. You could grab a couple little ducks by the throat and use them as nunchucks to attack there other ducks.