Heinz releases the slowest jigsaw puzzle on earth [Updated]

Illustration for article titled Heinz releases the slowest jigsaw puzzle on earth [Updated]
Photo: Heinz

Update, May 19, 2020: America is jigsaw puzzle crazy, and Heinz—the brand that kicked off a wave of seemingly insatiable puzzle madness—has taken the hint. Due to “an overwhelming response,” the company confirmed via email that its 570-piece all-red puzzle, previously only available as a prize in an online contest, is now available for purchase. The puzzle is $24.99 at HeinzKetchupPuzzle.com, and a portion of the proceeds will go toward Feeding America. If any of you actually manage to finish this damn thing, send the photo evidence.


Update, May 18, 2020: Last week we asked, “Which other brands should make jigsaw puzzles for our stay-at-home enjoyment?” We didn’t expect to get an answer so quickly. The Arizona Beverage Company, maker of AriZona Iced Tea, has jumped aboard the bandwagon and released a new jigsaw puzzle, its website declaring that “This box contains 1,000 pieces of radness.” We can confirm said radness:

Illustration for article titled Heinz releases the slowest jigsaw puzzle on earth [Updated]
Photo: AriZona Iced Tea

According to a press release, this AriZona Iced Tea puzzle is a “trippy take on Lemon Tea cans and its iconic Aztec design.” In terms of difficulty, this seems like it would fall somewhere between Heinz’s sadistic all-red puzzle and Arby’s busy lunch meat collage. And this would definitely be the coolest one to frame and hang on your wall.

Most importantly, at $9.99, this offering is much cheaper than the typical store-bought jigsaw puzzle, and a bit more visually appealing than the teddy-bear-tea-party puzzles you can find for 75 cents at secondhand shops. You can buy it here.

We are at the dawn of a new age, a beautiful world in which everything we like to eat finds ways to double as a source of entertainment. Not that anyone asked, but it’d be great to see a sweets-themed jigsaw puzzle—maybe something that celebrates sour candy? Somebody get the Ferrara Candy Company on the line.

Update, May 11, 2020: If entirely monochromatic torture devices aren’t your thing, there’s another brand vying for your puzzling affections: Arby’s, which has released a jigsaw puzzle of its own. The Arby’s 13-Hour Puzzle, which a press release tells us is “inspired by Arby’s fan-favorite 13-Hour Smoked Brisket,” has 1,000 pieces and features a dazzling collage of sandwiches, curly fries, and loose cuts of beef.

Illustration for article titled Heinz releases the slowest jigsaw puzzle on earth [Updated]
Photo: Arby’s

Though it’s got many more pieces than the Heinz puzzle, it’s reasonable to think that it might get done quicker, since there’s so many specific, beefy images to reference on the box instead of pairing two all-red pieces at random and praying they fit together. The press release also states that those who complete the puzzle are encouraged to upload a picture of their hard work to social media with the hashtag #13HourPuzzle. Will the name “13-Hour Puzzle” alone incite those with a competitive edge to buy this for $25 and see how fast they can finish it? Which other brands should make jigsaw puzzles for our stay-at-home enjoyment?


Original post, May 8, 2020: For people who do not have cats, jigsaw puzzles have become the new “it” way to keep calm and pass the long, loooooong trapped-inside-and-losing-one’s-mind days of quarantine. Heinz ketchup—ostensibly worried about people becoming too calm during these “uncertain times”—decided to release a puzzle of its own: 570 itty-bitty pieces, all the same signature shade of Heinz ketchup red. No images, no shading, no hidden messages. All red, all the time.

If you’re the special brand of lunatic who sees a puzzle like this and wants in, you’ll have to be a lucky lunatic, since this puzzle can only be won through a contest. Follow @Heinz on Instagram (or @Heinz_ca, if you’re Canadian), leave a comment on the puzzle post, sit back, and hope for the best.


Marnie Shure is editor in chief of The Takeout.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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Stephan Zielinski

Interestingly, about 1.4% of jigsaw puzzles are sold to cinematic prop departments for use in concretizing the futility of existence in mental institutions and long-term health care facilities.