At The Takeout, April 1 is a scourge upon our inboxes. We’re bombarded by PR emails for a wide array of fun, exciting, and delicious-sounding products, all of which end with an emoji-laden “APRIL FOOL!!!” It’s led us to become a team of jaded skeptics who assume that any intriguing edibles released anywhere near this chunk of the calendar can’t possibly be real. That’s why I got extra confirmation from the marketing team behind this latest stunt is actually happening: Heinz Homestyle Gravy and Ocean Spray Cranberries are collaborating to produce Cravy, a jarred condiment that mashes up gravy and cranberry sauce into one unsettlingly mauve topping.
Okay, it’s not real yet—but the brands have every intention of making this product a reality if the public demands it. “After a wonderful think session with my friends at @oceansprayinc, we’ve decided to join forces for a flavorful concoction that might add a touch of magic to your meal,” Heinz wrote in a tweet polling users about the potential new mashup. If 250,000 votes are cast for “Indeed!” (over “I think not”), Cravy will go into honest-to-God production. There are five days left to vote, and there are currently more than 73,000 votes.
As of this writing, 67.4% of votes are for “I think not” versus only 32.6% of votes going to “Indeed!” (This is where I tell you that I cast my vote for “Indeed!” in order to view the results. You’re welcome, Cravy cravers.) This is where you come in, readers. Which way will you vote?