Screenshot: YouTube

SimpleMost cast rennervate on our minds this morning, awakening us to a crucial development in the worlds of beer-drinking and Potter-fandom: a Harry Potter-themed beer festival is making the rounds in the U.S. As The Takeout’s Potter Bureau Chief, I am compelled to file this report.

The festival comes from events company Rock Star Beer Festivals, which organizes “brews cruises,” beer and music festivals, and other such shindigs which presumably don’t involve Hagrid puns. So far, this festival has dates scheduled in Portland, Las Vegas, Denver, Seattle, Phoenix, Indianapolis, and Louisville.

According to a Facebook event, the festival will include a tasting of “over twenty winter, pumpkin, and holiday ales including Snape’s Lair of Secret Cider Potions and Adult Butter Beer.” The venue will also be decorated to look like various locations from the books (the Great Hall, the Leaky Cauldron, etc.), and activities include a Hagrid photo op and live music from Slytherin Sisters and DJ Dumbledore. You can find a full list of dates here.

Having recently swallowed a tankard of pumpkin juice with a few drops of veritaserum, I am compelled to say that I find this all... a little basic? But that’s a solvable problem. Apologies for going full Granger here, but below you’ll find a brief list of all of the Harry Potter beer ideas I could come up with in seven minutes (seven being the most powerfully magical number.)

  • Dr. Ubbly’s Oblivious Unction: something with an A.B.V. so high it’ll make you forget all about the thought tentacles you had wrapped around your arms
  • Neville the Hero’s Helles Freezes Over
  • Elder Wand Dark Ale: A beer so good you’ll brag about it to everyone and then someone will steal it while you sleep
  • The Weird Sisters Dopplebock and Roll
  • Buckbeack the Hippogriffeweizen
  • Narcissa Malfoy Sour: So tart it’ll make your face pucker and look real disapproving
  • Did Y’All Know The Guy Who Plays Neville Is Hot Now? A Juicy IPA
  • Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavor Beer: a line of beers with unlabeled tap handles that taste like a whole bunch of weird shit
  • Fizzing Whizbees: Made with champagne yeast, so trendy
  • Amortentia Marshmallow Stout: Just like Harry’s chocolate cauldrons
  • Pepperup Potion: A black pepper saison
  • Felix Felicis: a cream ale that smells like lavender, bonfires, Red Vines, Old Spice, and the verse at the end of “Yoncé” where she says “I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker.” (What? It’s my list.)
  • Inside Voice, Hagrid: A firewhiskey barrel-aged high-gravity porter
  • Snitch This: A Bière de Garde served on a tray held by someone that never stops moving and if you catch it it’s worth 150 beers
  • The Swiveling Staircase, which tastes different on Fridays
  • Not My Daughter, You Czech-Style Pilsener!

Call me if you need me, I’ve got more.

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