Can we all agree that the British royal family is the greatest soap opera in modern history? It just keeps going and going, and it’s all just so... entertaining! Yes, I know they are real people with real problems, but they all have to know they’re media characters, right? The current arc of Harry and Meghan and their flight to California is the best thing that has happened to the ongoing story in years.
Now there is a new twist. I thought the family was all hunkered down, as you do after a new baby arrives: getting up for midnight feedings, entertaining the toddler, watching lots of TV, embracing the sleeplessness.
But it is not so! Somehow, in the midst of all this, they have also managed to, singlehandedly (or is it doublehandedly?), cause extra-long lines at their local Starbucks in Montecito, California! How can two people cause so much trouble by simply existing?
This info comes from actor Rob Lowe, who also lives in Montecito. “Once the royals move into your neighborhood, the neighborhood is never going to be the same,” he told E! News. “The good news is property values go up. The bad news is the lines are longer at Starbucks.”
Is this true? In a town full of celebrities, including Oprah, Ellen, and Ariana (do they really need last names?), is it Harry and Meghan who are causing the long times? Insider sent a reporter to Montecito to investigate. (Talk about hardship assignments!)
There have indeed been longer lines at the Montecito Starbucks, a barista confirmed. But it has nothing to do with Harry and Meghan. “Because of COVID, there’s a lot of mobile orders,” the barista explained. “So the lines to pick up have been longer.” (This is a nationwide problem not specific to Montecito.) Also, “I’ve never seen Rob Lowe.”
Well, then. The reporter did further due diligence and talked to several other locals, who confirmed that they haven’t seen a trace of the royals since they moved to town last summer, not even paparazzi. Lowe has, though: “I saw Harry once driving,” he told E! That is definitely the sort of close personal connection we commoners imagine all celebrities have to one another.
But now this just breeds more questions: What’s Meghan’s favorite Starbucks drink? Has Harry embraced coffee? Would they even go to Starbucks (or send their people to pick up Starbucks for them), or do they prefer The Coffee Bean as all new transplants to Southern California seem to? If my publication sent me to spend a night in a gorgeous beach town, would I feel compelled to find evidence of chaos caused by the royals, or would I just go to one Starbucks and then sprawl on a patch of sand somewhere and gaze out at the ocean and try to find inner peace?