The inferior American knockoff of history’s greatest cooking program is on its way back to network TV, and it’s currently seeking new contestants. The Great British Baking Show has been spun off into multiple international iterations, all of which share the same general format but lack the British charm that made the original such a massive success in the first place. While there’s charm to be found in many of these spin-offs (by “charm,” I mean “accents”), the American version has Paul Hollywood crossing the pond to act as a judge next to the legendary pastry goddess Sherry Yard, making the whole show feel a bit like when one of your parents gets remarried and your stepmom turns your childhood bedroom into a “craft studio” full of essential oils and candle-making supplies. It’s not a bad cast, it’s just... slightly off. Last season they added Emma Bunton as co-host, and you’d think that I, a person who saw Spice World on opening night, would be thrilled to have Baby Spice as my new stepmom. It still just doesn’t feel right, though, and that’s all on me. There is room for one baking show in my life, and regular readers of The Takeout know well and good where my heart lies.
My personal feelings shouldn’t dissuade you amateur bakers out there from applying, though. If you’ve got the kind of monster skills that this former professional baker has no desire to develop (seriously, no amount of money could convince me to start making bread sculptures for fun), head to the official contestant site and throw your hat in the ring. Maybe you’ll get on the show and can grab me a lock of Baby Spice’s hair, which I will definitely not use for any sort of unethical scientific experiments.