No sooner had the door hit Papa John’s on the ass than Pizza Hut slid in as the new “official pizza of the NFL,” the league announced today. Old PJ’s and the NFL broke up yesterday following a series of public shitstorms, most notably CEO John “Papa John” Schnatter’s assertion that NFL players’ protests were hurting his sales.
Pizza Hut was there for the rebound, catching the NFL at a vulnerable moment without an official league pizza sponsor.
“We know many of our fans enjoy pizza while watching NFL games,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell in the most no-shit statement since he declared the sky blue. “We are thrilled to have Pizza Hut, an industry leader and one of America’s favorite brands, as an official league sponsor.”
This is a supreme upgrade for the NFL, as anyone who has consumed one of Pizza Hut’s gloriously overseasoned slices knows. Not only does the chain produce a superior product, unlike Papa John’s Nazis don’t seem to have any particular brand affiliation with it. Win! We wish the new NFL-Hut couple many happy, cheesy crust returns.