Last Call: Soothe Your Brain With Gold Slime Videos And A Perfect Person's Day

In researching this week's article about edible gold, I wandered down an inexplicable internet alley of gold slime ASMR videos. ASMR stands for Auto-Sensory Meridian Response; it describes the reaction your body has to watching or hearing a certain type of stimuli. I discovered that gold slime videos are an entire internet subgenre, and yes, they are visually and audibly satisfying. (Learn more about why here.) I couldn't figure out the reason I was suddenly watching five of these slime-folding videos in a row, until I realized many of them contain similar visual motions and textures to one of my favorite methods of relaxation: bread-baking. [Kate Bernot]

If it's 7:45AM, why is the sun in the due south souther sky, as shown by her shadow and location of the Russian Hill courts? #MelaniaEdwards pic.twitter.com/8b4WJOyexI

— J. Scott Hamilton (@J_ScottHamilton) October 19, 2018

Some people, on the other hand, have little time for relaxing, with slime videos or otherwise. I am fascinated by this article that posted on Business Insider today of a day in the life of young HSBC exec and San Francisco resident Melania Edwards. Or, to be more precise: "A day in the life of an HSBC exec who wakes up at 5:30 a.m. to work out, always eats green, and studies at Stanford in her free time." Apparently, I'm not the only one.

I'm literally in fucking tears over this Melania Edwards slice of life piece... THIS CANNOT BE A REAL PERSON... I'm literally at my desk trying to find out if she actually exists!!! pic.twitter.com/vqYronBc1u

— Beyoncé's Cowboy Hat (@MikeyTBH) October 18, 2018

Not only does Melania work out at dawn, she also squeezes in a game of tennis before work; then she walks to her job at HSBC, a financial firm. Even with all that activity, she only has "a bowl of fresh fruit or a bottle of green juice" for breakfast, saving her caffeine for later.

When she gets to work, she has some meetings with some exciting startup type people, and then walks to the waterfront for lunch, which somehow lasts from noon to 1:30. Then she grabs the Caltrain to travel to Palo Alto to meet with even more exciting tech people. She listens to podcasts on the way, and one of her favorites is the Goop podcast. I'm just going to leave that there.

In the evenings, she does yoga (exercise excursion number four), does volunteer work, and makes dinner with her cute boyfriend, to end the day with of course, exercise excursion number five with a delightful stroll around the neighborhood.

Honestly, I'm exhausted just reading all this. My day starts at 6 a.m. hunting down Takeout stories, then wrangling small people to get out the door to go to school. Today I promised them pastries from a local bakery in the morning, so we didn't even make breakfast. But at least we walked there! My lunch break lasted as long as it took to ride the elevator and grab a sandwich, with a decidedly non-green side of fries. Then I just squatted in the office with my laptop searching out soft furniture between meetings while texting my daughter to remind her to bathe.

I'm getting obsessed with the #MelaniaEdwards thing. Where is the ball in the tennis pic? Why is she wearing a mac on the beach? Who has such a busy life but takes 90 mins at lunch to stare at a bridge. Why don't I take a walk in the evening to 'celebrate my key wins'?

— Andy Oakes (@andyoakes) October 19, 2018

It goes without saying that Ms. Edwards a freewheeling single person, and probably doesn't even have any pets. Or she is possibly a robot. That needs a lot of exercise. But the mind-spinning profile is certainly worth a read, as are the frequently hilarious responsive tweets. We are all Melania Edwards, but in a larger sense, we are all not her. Happy weekend, Takeout readers. [Gwen Ihnat]