Chicago, where I come from, is not a huge pizza-slice town. So it was a marvelous revelation, when I first went to New York, to learn that it’s possible to buy pizza by the slice. Then I ventured up to Koronet Pizza on the Upper West Side where every slice is approximately the size of a cafeteria tray and a single one can be a perfectly adequate $3 lunch. I mean, that is pretty magical.
I remained impressed by Koronet until last week when I came across this photo gallery of the largest pizzas available in America. The smallest on the list, at the Pizza Barn in Yonkers, New York, yields slices that are two feet long. Two of them would make a perfectly adequate skirt: one slice for the front, one for the back, although sitting down might pose a bit of a problem.
The largest, the Pizza Bus sold by Moontower Pizza Bar in Burleson, Texas, is eight feet by 32 inches. It costs $299.95, plus tax, and must be ordered 48 hours in advance—though, miraculously, according to the Guinness World Records website, it takes just half an hour to bake in a rotating oven. It’s available for delivery.
But now I have so many questions. How do you bake a pizza that big? (I know it said rotating oven, but what is a rotating oven? Is it like a Pizza Pizzazz?) How do you deliver such a pizza? And why would you even want a pizza that big, unless everyone in your enormous stunt pizza-eating group likes cheese or pepperoni, and how often does that actually happen? All theories and speculation are welcome.