Giant Baby-Man Apparently Prefers The Pink And Red Candies

Despite the glowing bill of health he recently received from Dr. Ronny Jackson, we all know that Donald Trump's diet is hardly health-food caliber, with a preference for fast-food related items (the better to prevent poisoning, according to scandalous tome The Fire And The Fury) and double scoops of ice cream. But a new revelation reported by CNN this week points to the fact that even Trump's preferred snack foods are more in the candy, less in the fresh fruit variety.

In a bowl of Starburst, reportedly, Trump has discerning taste. House majority leader Kevin McCarthy told this idiotic story to The Washington Post, apparently to try to pass himself off as some sort of diplomatic genius, when, actually, he is catering to the whims of a giant baby man-child. McCarthy recollects that once while on Air Force One with the current president, "having dessert" that comes in individual wrapped pieces and is packaged in a plastic bag, he savvily noticed "the President had a preference for the two colors of the chewy candies... Trump reached for them and plucked out only the cherry and strawberry flavors, the California Republican recounted."

McCarthy then had an aide present the current president with a jar filled with only pink and red Starburst. "A White House official told The Washington Post that Trump was grinning upon receipt of the gift... The White House did not immediately respond to CNN request for comment." Sorry, followup question: You mean to say that taxpayer dollars are paying the salary of a staffer who spent valuable time picking out certain-colored candies for the president? Just checking.