Get that iced coffee out of my face

Do you reach for iced coffee on hot days, or are you devoted to a hot cup of joe no matter the weather?

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Man drinking iced coffee through straw
I’ll kill you!!!!
Photo: Mario Tama (Getty Images)

It’s a pleasant 72 degrees in Chicago right now, but two days ago? Two days ago, I dribbled butt sweat all up and down my neighborhood when temps hit the mid-90s. Two days ago, I spent the workday in my dark bedroom wearing a pair of enormous underpants and a cut-off tank top that reads “Haul Ass.” Two days ago, I covered my bod in anti-chafe gel and shuffled to the nearest coffee shop, where I ordered a piping hot coffee amid a sea of iced mochas. Why? Because I don’t really care for iced coffee, okay? And I’m ready to talk about it.

First, the temperature thing. No matter how hot it is, I’m just never in the mood to start my day with a cold drink. When I’m waking up, iced coffee feels like a jolt to my delicate senses. Second, I take issue with the utilitarian nature of iced coffee. By nature, hot coffee is a slow beverage. You have to take your time with it, lest you scorch your taste buds. But iced coffee comes with a straw, and everyone knows that beverages consumed through straws are easier to drink extremely quickly. Plus, take too long drinking an iced coffee, and you’re left with a watery mess. It’s all too rushed for me.

Finally, there’s the age-old suggestion that warm beverages help regulate your body temperature on hot days. After all, hot tea is also commonly consumed in hot climates including those in India, Malaysia, Turkey, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and South Africa. We’ve explored this before, with mixed results. (One professor called it a “very inaccurate old wives tale,” while a Smithsonian Magazine article suggested that drinking a hot beverage could cool you down if it makes you hot enough to sweat.)

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So, folks, let’s discuss. Do you reach for iced coffee on hot days? For that matter, do you reach for iced coffee on cold days? Or are you like me, opting for a hot cup of joe even when it’s eyebrow-singeingly hot outside? Sound off.