So far this week, we’ve seen chicken used as both a potential hexing vehicle and a robot employment measure. But now, we’ve got chicken serving as a projectile weapon in a central Pennsylvania Walmart: Police say a 20-year-old woman threw a raw frozen chicken at another woman during a Walmart brawl. Who says (dead) chickens can’t fly?
Pennsylvania news source Penn Live reports that state police arrived to the Walmart on October 7 at 11:42 a.m. They responded to an altercation that ended with a 20-year-old shopper chucking the poultry at a 52-year-old woman. The chicken reportedly hit the other woman in the back of her head, to the shock of onlookers. There’s no word on what incited the fowl play; regardless, the chicken chucker was cited with a summary offense of harassment, according to online court dockets. The offending party has not yet made a plea in the case, and the victim hasn’t commented publicly on the incident.
What would inspire someone to throw a frozen chicken at the back of someone’s head? Was the chicken simply the only thing the woman had on hand, or was it selected specifically for its heft? Honestly, depending on the weight of the thing, I could see a whole chicken causing some definite damage. Same goes for tubs of ice cream, milk jugs, and potentially family-sized boxes of Cocoa Puffs. (Sharp edges, yikes.)
We could spend all day speculating as to the reason behind this chicken attack—but it’s Friday, and I’m hoping to clock out early to spend some quality time with my beagle. Regardless, let this be your reminder to mind your own business in the grocery store. Keep your eyes down, don’t make any sudden moves, and, for the love of God, try to steer clear of wild-eyed women wielding frozen poultry.