The Philadelphia 76ers put away the Brooklyn Nets this week, wrapping up a five-game series with a conclusive 122-100 win. As a result, Sixers fans of legal drinking age will be able to get a free round of Coors Light, on Coors’ dime, at select bars throughout the Philadelphia area. The exact timing has not yet been announced, but it’ll happen “before the tip-off of the first game of the second round,” and the usual “while supplies last” disclaimer applies. You’ll find a list of participating bars at the bottom of this post.
That’s it. That’s the news. I shared it with The Takeout staff this morning, with a self-satisfied smirk, thinking, at long last, I can dunk on Coors Light, the worst beer in the damn world. And then Kate Bernot, an honest-to-god beer expert, thoroughly surprised me.
Without further ado: Is Coors good?
Allison Shoemaker: So, Kate, I have been informed by a source I trust (it’s you) that Coors is, in your expert opinion, not undrinkable swill. I am, shall we say, confused.
Kate Bernot: Coors Light is in fact a staple of my summer beer cooler.
AS: That blows my mind
KB: To be clear, I know it’s watery. But I love that. It’s refreshing Rocky Mountain watery, like beer-flavored LaCroix.
AS: Oh my GOD, okay. Well, that’s not a thing I ever thought I’d read.
KB: I’ve also wondered whether it’s possible to get very drunk on Coors Light, because your body’s fluid tolerance stops you from consuming enough to get there.
KB: I wouldn’t argue for Coors Light as the world’s best-tasting beer, but it’s entirely inoffensive to me. By the time I’ve thought about its flavor, I’ve already peed it out.
AS: Ha! Okay Counterpoint: it’s bad. Here’s my Coors Light experience. The first Coors I ever had was consumed by poking a hole in the bottom of a room temperature can and letting it slowly drip into a pint glass (I needed unopened cans for a theater thing but couldn’t use real beer, it was a whole thing.) It was terrible. It was like drinking standing water, if standing water was beer.
AS: I assumed that was because it was room temp and drained from the hole in the bottom of the can. But then I had another one years later and no, it’s just kind of insipid, vaguely beer-flavored nonsense.
KB: Oh. OH GIRL. Warm Coors Light is the devil. That’s why it makes such a fuss about the cold-activated cans. It must be consumed at just-above freezing, or not at all.
AS: The second time it was cold, though! And I’m not opposed to light beers, macros and otherwise. We share a bone-deep love for Miller High Life, for example.
KB: Of course.
AS: But I’m more of a Miller Lite girl, I guess. Just slightly less like someone accidentally dropped hops and an old shoe into hot water.
KB: And that’s why these macro-beer allegiances are so fun, because we all have deep affection for our particular brands of shoe-water.
AS: So you’re saying I should give Coors another shot? You are, after all, the expert
KB: Just don’t let it replace your High Life. Nothing can replace High Life.
AS: NEVER! And I don’t want to score points for the opposing team here, but I suppose the best beer is free beer. Wait: What if it’s warm Coors Light?
KB: All free beer is good beer, unless it’s warm Coors Light.
Grab a free Coors Light, but only if it is very cold, at one of the following locations:
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 1526 PACKER AVE, PHILADELPHIA, PA
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 2999 STREET RD, BENSALEM, PA
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 11000 ROOSEVELT BLVD STE 350, PHILADELPHIA, PA
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 500 EASTON RD, WARRINGTON, PA
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 4010 ROBBINS AVE, PHILADELPHIA, PA
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 5035 TOWNSHIP LINE RD, DREXEL HILL, PA
CHICKIES & PETES CAFE, 675 SHANNONDELL BLVD, NORRISTOWN, PA
PJ WHELIHANS, 4803 WEST CHESTER PIKE, NEWTOWN SQUARE, PA
PJ WHELIHANS, 853 E LANCASTER AVE, DOWNINGTOWN, PA
PJ WHELIHANS 1347 WILMINGTON PIKE, WEST CHESTER, PA
PJ WHELIHANS 799 DEKALB PIKE, BLUE BELL, PA
PJ WHELIHANS, 12 GENERAL WARREN BLVD, MALVERN, PA
PJ WHELIHANS 180 MILL RD STE B, OAKS, PA
THE POUR HOUSE, 116 N POTTSTOWN PIKE, EXTON, PA
THE POUR HOUSE, 29 AIRPORT SQ, NORTH WALES, PA
FOX and HOUND, 1501 SPRUCE ST, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19102
MAGGIE’S WATERFRONT CAFÉ, 9242 N DELAWARE AVE, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19114
BARLY, 101 N 11TH ST, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19107
JT BREWSKI’S, 510 S OAK AVE, PRIMOS, PA 19018