Four Loko now has a pregame shot. Absolutely nothing can go wrong!

Illustration for article titled Four Loko now has a pregame shot. Absolutely nothing can go wrong!
Photo: LeoPatrizi (Getty Images)

If you’re at a party and you see someone whip out a can of Four Loko, you know the party’s heading in an uncontrollable direction. And now the manufacturers of that nectar of mayhem—what do you expect when you combine an energy drink with alcohol?—are at it again with something new. Good luck, everyone!

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The brand’s new goal is not only to be the accelerant of your party, but the beginning of it too. Delish reports that Four Loko’s releasing a pre-bottled pregame shot called PREGAME. It’s not carbonated and its ABV clocks in at 13.9% (except in Tennessee, where it’s 10%). So in terms of punch, it’s less rocket fuel and more like a relaxing sip of morning tea.

Right now there are three flavors: Sour Blue Razz, Lemonade, and Sour Peach. If they’d have had these things back when I was in college, I think my party stories would have been a lot different. Instead my weekends were mostly, “I wrote a paper,” or “I played video games for a while.” Good times, good times.

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When you think of Four Loko, you may think of the times you saw other people overindulge on the original formula. There were so many terrible incidents, the product was nearly discontinued altogether. The caffeine component was removed in 2010. Now you can really just think as Four Loko as a malt beverage that tastes kind of like a knockoff Faygo with alcohol in it.

Before everyone starts blasting music in the garage and filling up coolers full of ice, just know that there’s a catch and it’s only available in the Southeastern portion of the US. We’re talking Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and Tennessee.

Party responsibly, y’all.

Staff writer at The Takeout. Also: Saveur Humor Blog Award Winner, professional pizza maker, and insufferable troublemaker.

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DISCUSSION

So it’s basically just sugar water with the alcohol content of wine? Do middle schoolers not know of the existence of vodka these days? I feel like somebody should tell them, if you’re going to get fucked up before geography class, don’t rot your teeth and get diabetes in the process.