Four Loko just Four Loko’d hard seltzer

Illustration for article titled Four Loko just Four Loko’d hard seltzer
Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

It’s the best summer ever to be a hard seltzer drinker. White Claw and its ilk are seemingly everywhere, with the number of hard seltzer brands swelling by the day. This week alone, we heard news of Natural Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon’s new lines of seltzers. But there is one ring to rule them all, and it comes from the terrifyingly caffeinated booze grenade you thought you’d forgotten: Four Loko.

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Four Loko yesterday announced it is introducing its own hard seltzer that clocks in at 14% alcohol by volume. That is, for those in the balcony seats, a 14% ABV beverage that tastes like water—and a missed opportunity to call the beverage Fourteen Loko. Get it together, guys.

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The best part of this announcement was not the Four Loko’s tweet itself, which is pretty good, but the responses and memes from other Twitter users:

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Some may remember the “ban” on Four Loko, which led the drink’s parent company to settle a lawsuit with 20 states and agree to remove caffeine from its products. It’s no longer marketed as an energy drink.

Look for the drink to debut later this year. At this time, it is unclear whether Four Loko’s 14% ABV hard seltzer has yet been made the official drink of Barstool Sports.

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Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.

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DISCUSSION

Story time! Back in college I used to travel to paintball tournaments, the weekend-long kind where you’d camp out for two nights and paintball on Saturday and Sunday. One of the teams we played with regularly was made up of guys who worked at the regional Miller group responsible for the Steel Brewing Company products, mainly Steel Reserve and Sparks (their version of Four Loko).

Now these guys always brought some Steel Reserve, but it never really caught on with us. Now, after Four Loko got popular Miller bought up Sparks and put it under the Steel Brewing label so these guys got it too. So, not long after these guys brought some Sparks for people to try, people liked it, so the next tournament they show up to, they brought a whole fucking pallet of Sparks.

It was an unmitigated disaster, the camping area became a puke minefield, everywhere you looked there were middle aged zombies who had no idea what they’d done to themselves and hadn’t been that wasted in decades. Of the 3-400 people supposed to play paintball on Sunday, maybe half actually made it.