Flat Matthew McConaughey: A civil debate

Still from the Doritos 3D commercial with McConaughey trapped in a vending machine
Screenshot: Doritos / YouTube

Ever since we caught wind that Matthew McConaughey was going to star in a Doritos Super Bowl commercial as a completely two-dimensional human being, we’ve been left to wonder what the reasoning behind such a gimmick might be. And after last night’s reveal of the full ad during the first quarter of the game, we can confirm that staff writer Lillian Stone nailed it: the premise revolved around the return of 3D Doritos, with Flat Matthew McConaughey regaining his normal bodily dimensions after taking a bite of the airy, geometric snack. The problem? He turns 3D whilst stuck inside a vending machine. A real Homer Simpson–level snack-related mishap.

The members of The Takeout staff are torn on the phenomenon of Flat Matthew. First and foremost, as pointed out by associate editor Aimee Levitt, it should be Flat Matt, not Flat Matthew. What a wasted opportunity. But beyond that, the fact of this papery, wispy character plastered with the face of an actor we typically know in a more corporeal context was unsettling. Uncanny. Unstable (in a literal sense). Here below, we engage in a civil discussion of the pros and cons of Doritos’ Flat Matthew creation.

Marnie Shure, editor in chief: My biggest problem with this ad’s conceit is not that it revolves around a typically handsome actor that has been made horrific to look at. Instead, it’s that we’re not given background information that I believe to be crucial. “Lately, I just haven’t been feeling quite like myself,” McConaughey narrates as we see his tissuey form on screen. “Life used to feel....fuller.” I get that it’s a parallel to the 3D nature of these Doritos, but I’m distracted by this setup: why is Matthew unhappy? How did he come to be in such a state that only vending machine snack food can save him? I am left brimming with concern, to say nothing of the body horror involved.

Lillian Stone, staff writer: I’m against this. Matt is simply too flat. McConaughey already strikes me as the kind of guy who’s weirdly into jovial pranks, like jumping out at his assistant from a dark corner or super-glueing craft service bananas together on set. Flathew is painted as this tragic figure, but I get the feeling that he abuses his willowy power for really weird hijinks. Like sliding through the slats in a public restroom bathroom stall and yelling, “Somebody CRAPPIN’?”

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Aimee Levitt, associate editor: Maybe when you’re in a state of utter ennui, you don’t have the energy or imagination for wacky hijinks? Except for breaking into a vending machine, I guess. Maybe because it’s a gray, snowy Monday in February, this ad spoke to me on some level. Yes, only fat and salt can save us!

Allison Robicelli, staff writer: Not even close to the weirdest McConaughey shit I’ve ever seen.

Marnie Shure is editor in chief of The Takeout.

Aimee Levitt is associate editor of The Takeout.

Allison Robicelli is a writer, recipe czar, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Tweet me for recipe help: @Robicellis.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

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DISCUSSION

singleuseplastic
singleuseplastic

it should be Flat Matt, not Flat Matthew...

wrong again, it should be Flat McConaughey.