Photo: rgbspace (iStock)

Today in Things-That-Validate-My-Poor-Decisions News: turns out that when I smoke weed and decide to eat a whole block of cheddar like a candy bar, I’m actually absorbing more wellness-industry-approved, socially acceptable CBD! I assure you, this is not another one of those genius discoveries I come up during my 10pm “Mommy Time”, but rather real, legitimate science. In a study pertaining to epilepsy, scientists at the University of Minnesota that discovered a stomach full of high-fat foods can dramatically increases the body’s ability to absorb and retain cannabinoids.

As the study was conducted only with CBD capsules, there’s no information regarding whether or not the same thing happens with the cannabinoid THC, aka “the fun one”. I could postulate that this is the root cause of the munchies— the body crying out for things it desperately needs, like microwave White Castles, or shot glasses full of ranch dressing. But despite all my personal research, I am not a scientist, and cannot provide answers.

But you know who could possibly give us answers? Takeout editor and my Slack BFF Kate Bernot, whose chemist father used to run drug testing for a psychiatric facility! He once told her—when she was asking for a friend, obviously—that marijuana is stored in the body’s fat. If a person has a high percentage of body fat, it’s more likely marijuana will be stored in their body longer. Perhaps hunger pangs are trying to help me get more bang for my buck by storing THC reserves in my buttcheeks.

Should you use this as an excuse to stuff your gob with Hot Pockets with no remorse? Absolutely not, though you may want to use it as motivation to eat more healthy fats, like salmon or avocados, before your downtime begins. Even if it doesn’t help your high, it’ll be better for you in the long run.

Advertisement