New Fat Tire beer tastes like butt so that we take climate change seriously

Illustration for article titled New Fat Tire beer tastes like butt so that we take climate change seriously
Photo: AGUSTIN PAULLIER (Getty Images), New Belgium (Getty Images)

Scientists have been warning us about the perils of climate change for decades now, but we just don’t listen, do we? We’ve got companies spewing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, dumping waste into the oceans, and flinging around plastic products willy-nilly. If humanity can’t get its shit together, everything is going to start sucking in whole new ways. We will live in a world where coffee is strictly rationed, our primary source of food is fiber-rich meal replacement shakes, and all our beer tastes like fermented butts. Want proof of that last one? Then check out the new Torched Earth Ale from Fat Tire, a limited-edition beer meant to force your taste buds to face our dark, dystopian future.

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The environmentally conscious brewery wants us all to know that unless drastic action is taken to mitigate climate change, hops, grains, and all the other stuff that makes beer so enjoyable will become scarcer and scarcer, forcing the brewers of the future to make do with whatever they can find. Torched Earth Ale is an example of what such future beer might taste like, brewed with smoke-tainted water, dandelions, and drought-resistant grains. Fat Tire says the beer tastes like cold, fizzy garbage, and the brewery hopes to emphasize that bad things are headed our way if we don’t all stand together and demand action.

Even if you are doing your personal best to live a cleaner, greener life, it’s not enough to address the problem, because the majority of environmental damage is the work of—surprise!—massive global corporations. This is why Fat Tire has launched a “Last Call for Climate” initiative, urging us all to demand better from the companies behind our favorite products. Currently, 70% of Fortune 500 companies don’t have a meaningful climate action plan, nor have they committed to reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 2030—the year scientists claim is our planet’s point of no return. In addition to this call to action, Fat Tire has launched an online tool that shows you which Fortune 500 companies already have climate plans and supplies the tools for you to reach out directly to those that do not.

In case you’re wondering if the company is practicing what it preaches, Fat Tire—the flagship label from Colorado’s New Belgium Brewing—became America’s first certified carbon neutral beer last year. New Belgium has also pledged to achieve net-zero emissions across the entire company by 2030.

“If you don’t have a climate plan, you don’t have a business plan,” said New Belgium CEO Steve Fechheimer in a press release. “Aggressive action to help solve the climate crisis is not only an urgent environmental and social imperative – it’s also a no-brainer for companies seeking to create long-term shareholder value, compete with rivals like China, and create good-paying jobs here at home. As a medium-sized company, New Belgium can only have a medium-sized impact. We need more of the big guys to step up, too.”

New Belgium plans to release a detailed blueprint for a green beer industry later this year, which will help brewers measure their carbon footprint and take steps to become carbon neutral. Good on them! If mankind is drinking palatable beer in fifty years, we’ll all know who to thank.

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.

DISCUSSION

skeffles
skeffles

Bet it still tastes better than a Bud light.