GIF: YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXumsJ6ZQLE)

Last night, the Boston Red Sox clinched the World Series (Noooommmmmmaahhhhhh!) by beating the Los Angeles Dodgers in five games—but it’s one spectator’s choice of beverage that captured more of my attention than anything on the field. Please friends, join me in observing this fedora-clad man who is blithely enjoying a half-gallon of milk. Do you have questions? I have questions.

In no particular order:

  • Did the man actually drink the milk? A few ounces are missing from the top, but he is not actually observed drinking any milk.
  • How does one get a half-gallon of milk through stadium security?
  • Follow-up to the above: Was the milk container obtained from a vendor inside the stadium?
  • Is it really makgeolli, which looks like milk but can really fuck you up in a hot second?
  • Is this a plant from the Wisconsin Dairy Council in an attempt to go viral? Because if so, great job, WDC.
  • Is the fedora a relevant detail? Who wears a fedora rather than a cap to a baseball game when the year is not like, 1934?
  • WHO IS THIS MAN

I, for one, am shocked that this man has not come forward to capitalize on his 15 minutes of fame. He graced the broadcast numerous times during the game, and Twitter users swiftly dubbed him “milk guy.”

Good work on getting your vitamin D and calcium, milk guy. Now, explain yourself.