Last Call: Aren’t we all emotional support animals?

Illustration for article titled Last Call: Aren’t we all emotional support animals?
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Last CallLast CallLast Call is The Takeout’s online watering hole where you can chat, share recipes, and use the comment section as an open thread. Here’s what we’ve been reading/watching/listening around the office today.

Truly, what pet is not an emotional support animal? Who among us has adopted a pet for a reason other than having a little buddy around to improve your life in some way? Dogs are dumb, lovable putzes that will always think you’re great, even if you’re actually a gigantic asshole. Guard dogs might know you’re an asshole, but they will give you the peace of knowing you won’t be murdered while you sleep. Cats are considering murdering you in your sleep, but they won’t if you find a way to earn their respect. Every morning when you wake up alive, you get to start the day knowing that a cat has allowed you to live, because you’re somebody special. That feels good.

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Camas, a very good girl
Camas, a very good girl
Photo: Kate Bernot

Earlier this week, Team Takeout spent our morning news meeting swooning over Cutie, the emotional support chicken. We spent a good 10 minutes discussing how to write up the story before we realized it had absolutely nothing to do with food—this also meant that all of us had all been subconsciously thinking of eating an emotional support chicken. Is it possible to find a deep, spiritual, emotional connection with a chicken? What if the chicken thinks the little boy who loves him is, in fact, his emotional support animal? Aimee’s Abby has an emotional support pig to keep her company, and my Georgie has a manatee to snuggle with when I’m not around. Emotional support is a two-way street.

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Abby (left) and Georgie
Abby (left) and Georgie
Photo: Aimee Levitt, Allison Robicelli

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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DISCUSSION

So, we now know that Allison’s overlord is named George.

Every morning when you wake up alive, you get to start the day knowing that a cat has allowed you to live, because you’re somebody special. That feels good.

As the former housekeeper for cats, I can tell you that this incorrect. I woke up in the morning because they were too lazy to kill and eat me while I slept; and preferred to wait for the easy to get and guaranteed morning kibble. I also think they realized that without me the litter box wouldn’t be cleaned.

I had twice daily nag sessions at meal times, and at litter box cleaning times (but would they take the scoop and do it themselves? no), cat hair all over, pushed out of bed at least once a week, actual homicide attempts as one of the fuzzy bastards would lay on my face while I slept, and blood sacrifices when it was time to get routine check ups.

All for the occasional blessing of jumping on me and saying scratch my head now please.