Truly, what pet is not an emotional support animal? Who among us has adopted a pet for a reason other than having a little buddy around to improve your life in some way? Dogs are dumb, lovable putzes that will always think you’re great, even if you’re actually a gigantic asshole. Guard dogs might know you’re an asshole, but they will give you the peace of knowing you won’t be murdered while you sleep. Cats are considering murdering you in your sleep, but they won’t if you find a way to earn their respect. Every morning when you wake up alive, you get to start the day knowing that a cat has allowed you to live, because you’re somebody special. That feels good.
Earlier this week, Team Takeout spent our morning news meeting swooning over Cutie, the emotional support chicken. We spent a good 10 minutes discussing how to write up the story before we realized it had absolutely nothing to do with food—this also meant that all of us had all been subconsciously thinking of eating an emotional support chicken. Is it possible to find a deep, spiritual, emotional connection with a chicken? What if the chicken thinks the little boy who loves him is, in fact, his emotional support animal? Aimee’s Abby has an emotional support pig to keep her company, and my Georgie has a manatee to snuggle with when I’m not around. Emotional support is a two-way street.