Finally, A Beer Bread Recipe Good Enough To Start A Fight

I don't make beer bread very often, because every time I do I always eat the entire loaf by myself, and then my husband gets mad that there's none left for him. What am I supposed to do, not eat the beer bread? It's irresistible. There's no way he can blame me for putting away an entire pan full of warm, delicious beer bread without any assistance.

But then my husband starts in with the "Well, why didn't you tell me you were making beer bread in the first place?" nonsense.

"The whole damn house smells like warm, delicious beer bread," I reply. "You knew it was coming."

Then the kids pile on. "You said nothing to us about beer bread either!" they whine, and I send everyone to their rooms without dinner. (Which is more beer bread.)

Because it's fall baking season, and because my house is full of dark Oktoberfest beers, I'm more than happy to risk all the drama that arises from my warm, delicious beer bread, smothered in thinly sliced bay-leaf-scented onions, with a faint whisper of German mustard. Besides, my recipe is easy enough for my husband and kids to make their own damn beer bread and leave mine alone. Consider printing out a few copies of this recipe and passing them out to your family.

Makes one 9-by-5-inch loaf

• 1 large onion, sliced into extra thin rings
• 1/2 Tbsp. butter
• 1 bay leaf
• 2¾ cups flour
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• 1 Tbsp. + 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. kosher salt
• 1 (12-oz.) can dark beer (I used All Out Stout from Athletic Brewing Company)
• 2 Tbsp. of your favorite mustard (I used brown horseradish mustard)
• Freshly cracked black pepper

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Lightly grease a loaf pan with softened butter or cooking spray.

In a saute pan over high heat, cook the thinly sliced onions in the butter with a pinch of salt, a generous amount of freshly cracked black pepper, and the bay leaf. Cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the onions are wilted, but have not begun to turn brown. Remove and set aside, discarding the bay leaf.

Stir the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, and salt together in a large bowl. Make a well in the center, pour in the beer and mustard, and stir. Once a soft batter forms, whisk vigorously for about 30 seconds, then pour into the prepared loaf pan and even out the top. Scatter the cooked onions atop the bread, slide into the oven, and bake for 50-55 minutes until a toothpick inserted into the center pulls out cleanly. Allow the beer bread to cool for at least 30 minutes before cutting into thick slices.

Serving suggestions: Top a slice with a thick layer of butter, or pair with mustard and cheese.